Life’s Too Short To Worry About A Muffin Top

Cinnamon Sugar Muffins

I was recently having lunch with a friend, who, like me, is in her 40s. And who, like me, is active and eats a healthy diet. I was griping about the dreaded 40-something weight creep (read: My Post-40 Weight Gain Frustrations) and how an expensive pair of pants I bought just a few years ago are now uncomfortable to wear.

I expected her to chime in with her own tale of woe. But she didn’t. She said something surprising. “I’d rather just buy new pants than stress about it,” she said. “I’m done worrying about my weight.”

Her words stuck with me, and I wanted to share them. So I emailed her to see if I got her words right. She wrote back with a message that resonated so much with me that I asked if I could share her entire email here. She agreed (I’m not using her name because she wanted her privacy). So thank you, friend, for some much-needed perspective.


I think most women in our culture have a constant din in their heads that is so ever-present we don’t even notice it’s there. It’s a constant monitoring and reaction to our weight and shape. It’s not that I tell myself “I’m fat, I look disgusting”. It’s more a feeling of chronic disappointment. This feeling has gotten stronger over the years as my body has gotten heavier and weight has moved to frustrating places.

As I’ve thought about it more and more, I’ve come to a deeper realization that I won’t and can’t get the body of my 20’s or early 30’s back.

Perhaps more accurately, I should say that if I got that body back, I would have to be in the gym two hours a day. To find that time, I would have to give up things like reading books, taking walks with my husband, catching up with friends, or watching a great show on Netflix. I would give up things that feel core to my happiness.

If I was having joint pain because I needed to lose 30 pounds, my goals would be a bit different. But that’s not what I’m dealing with.

One important thing I learned from losing my mom was that life really is too short to be feeling any negative emotion I really don’t need to be feeling–including being unhappy about my muffin top, the fact that I’ve gained five pounds in the last year, or the fact that a pair of pants I loved feels too snug.  The time we have here with our loved ones really is a precious gift, not to be squandered by distractions of body image noise.

I also think it’s tortuous to keep the clothes that we could fit into if we were just a few pounds lighter; it’s almost like holding out the carrot telling us that we aren’t where we should be. I think we need to try to embrace and accept ourselves as best we can where we are and continue to buy ourselves pretty things. The styles that make us feel pretty may need to change over the years, and that’s okay. We all deserve to have nice things and feel good–whatever our waist size.

Don’t get me wrong, this self-acceptance thing isn’t always easy for me.  It requires regular positive self-talk and an occasional come-to-Jesus moment where I have to remind myself what my values are.

But if I don’t choose to work on deeper acceptance of how my body looks now, I’m setting myself to spend the next few decades with that feeling of chronic disappointment. And I just don’t want to feel that way anymore.

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29 Comments

    1. Needed these words today. What a relief! Thank you for your perspective. Much needed.

  1. What a great perspective! Thank you for sharing! The “chronic disappointment” is so ingrained in my thinking that I do agree it is a practice to combat that every day. I love getting inspired by others who are working at it too. So thank you!

    1. Allison–Glad you enjoyed it! I really liked the way she put it–“chronic disappointment”–because I know so many of us can relate to that exact feeling.

  2. “It’s more a feeling of chronic disappointment.” So very true! I’m not overweight, I exercise and feel strong, but when I look in the mirror, I am always disappointed. In something. Anything. So when she mentioned about having the body back from her 20s, I thought to myself, “I would still feel the same way.” I did feel the same way. I have always felt that way. I liken it to being poor right out of college, and thinking “if only I made $XXX more, I would be satisfied.” Well, here I am making more than I thought I would make, and that thought is still nagging in my head. So if I do manage to lose that “last 10 pounds,” would it be enough? Or would I still be disappointed in how I look? I’m working on changing that line of thinking, not only for my sanity, but for the sake of my daughter, who I never want to feel this way. Thanks for this article, which has made me more determined to accept my body the way it is and find joy in the things I truly value.

    1. Carrie–How true! I could say to myself “I wish I had my 26-year-old body back”, but back when I was 26, I still wasn’t satisfied. Goes to show that so much of it truly is mindset, not a number on the scale or a size on a pair of jeans. And I loved your comment, “I’m working on changing that line of thinking, not only for my sanity, but for the sake of my daughter, who I never want to feel this way.” 🙂

      1. Yes, for the sake of my daughter too….

        Much of the “inner work” I am dealing with in my thirties I am motivated to do not only to make my life more enjoyable (tame the “monkey mind” and practicing self-compassion are two examples) but to help my kids grow up without some of the emotional weights and struggles I have had for my whole life.

  3. Great perspective and encouragement from your friend. Thanks so much for sharing!

  4. Wonderful light hearted attitude! But is it necessary to wait ’til 40 to let yourself go? I’ve always figured if something feels or tastes good I should just do it. And I’ve never been one to keep clutter around. If something doesn’t fit or if I’ve not used it in a while, out it goes! There are always so many more wonderful things to buy, why keep old stuff around? The other thing that makes me feel good is educating other people about nutrition (I’m an RD) because it is so important to our society that these people get with the program. If they don’t they will get fat and end up with diabetes. Then some of them will try to get back into shape but most will fail because it is too late. All that diabetes, with all its complications are a burden on our health care system and that costs all of us big money. So that’s why I do my part to make the world a better place by coaching other people.

    1. Sandra–good point that you should let go of negative attitudes (and uncomfortable, too-tight clothes) at any age. Absolutely! You’re right that diabetes and obesity are definitely huge problems in our society and educating people about it is so important (I used to work in diabetes education too!). There are so many misconceptions about diet and diabetes. That being said, there are also many people (especially women) who aren’t facing diabetes or obesity necessarily but are simply unable to accept their bodies because they don’t fit some kind of airbrushed, societal “ideal”, so I’m hoping my friend’s words will reach those women (myself included)! Thanks so much for your comment.

  5. Ohhhh Sally…. All the feels today… All the feels. Thank you for sharing.

    One thing I’ve found that comes with age is the ability to recognize signs that confirm you are surrounding yourself with the “right” people. If this isn’t a giant flashing neon sign, don’t know what is. Thanks to you and your friend!

    1. Thanks Robin. I’m glad it spoke to you too. And I’m glad it was a flashing neon sign. 🙂

  6. What a wonderful perspective. I look back now on photos of me in my bikini in my 20s (when I was unhappy with my body) and think how amazing I looked then, if only I’d known it. I fear I am going to do exactly the same in 10 years with the way I look now. I am going to try to take your friend’s words to heart. Life really is too short to worry about a bit of tummy jiggle!

  7. Thank you for this article. I really needed to read this today! As long as we’re healthy and happy, it shouldn’t matter that we have extra fluff. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that so these little reminders definitely help 🙂

  8. I agree wholeheartedly with the message in this post and the follow-up comments, and think it also applies to other aspects of life and aging. While I don’t relish getting new wrinkles, sagging skin, more white hairs, etc., that is just the reality of life for those of us lucky enough to be alive and heading into middle (or old) age. The thought of putting energy into worrying about such things and feeling “less than” because of them, or worse yet having neurotoxins injected into my face or dyes applied to my hair/scalp in an attempt to hang onto the superficial signs of youth seems like a more stressful path to go down than simply accepting aging and focusing my energy on the things in life that really matter.

    I try to look for the beauty in aging, and there is just something really beautiful about people who are content with who they are. That self acceptance and happiness shines through at any age, regardless of gray hairs, jowls, or muffin tops. At 46, I have struggled with the “muffin top” issue as well and it’s definitely one of the more annoying and hard to accept (for me anyway) aspects of aging. It definitely helps to remind myself that in 20 years I’ll probably look back at pictures and wonder what I was worrying about 😉 Thanks for sharing your friend’s insightful perspective!

  9. I’m sympathetic to this message, but I also think there are limits to how far you should take this. Like say, gaining 5 lb. in a year. I’ve been there – absolutely – but to me it was a wake-up call for change, for this reason: here I am, 40 years old, weighing about 150 lb. and putting on a few pounds a year. Well, that puts be on track for weighing well upwards of 300 lb. by 70 – a weight at which nobody is healthy or even mobile. That’s not just negative messaging from society; it’s quite simply not healthy. Which is why I’ve gone paleo, but that’s another story. . .

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  12. Such wisdom from your friend. Thank you for sharing this post! Instead of living with a “feeling of chronic disappointment,” what would our lives look like living with chronic gratefulness of all that our bodies allow us to do, experience and enjoy? She is right that we often do not consider all the sacrifices we would have to make in order to attain the “ideal” image in our head… all the joys that would be missed, overlooked or neglected. This was a great message and reminder.

  13. Oh my! This really spoke to me and I am saving it! Really hard to accept changes to my body in my 40’s. I will reread this when I am looking in the mirror and not liking what I see! Thanks so much for sharing!

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  16. So glad I came across this article–just what I needed today! I hit 50 and after years of eating well and exercising and staying about the same weight, I literally gained 15 pounds in what felt like overnight! Clothes that I bought 18 months ago don’t fit and it was making me angry and sad because nothing seemed to work. I felt cheated and angry because I was “being good” and doing everything I read I was supposed to do and still, here I am. I really appreciate your comments about all those articles about “keeping the weight off in middle age.” If you aren’t already eating healthy and exercising maybe that would work, but I would love it if someone in the fitness/medical field could just admit that sometimes that just isn’t enough…and that is OK. Thank you!

    1. Hi Ginny–I’m so glad you found the post. You make such good points–sometimes it truly ISN’T enough, I’m already seeing that and I’m not to 50 yet. Thank you for your honest and articulate comment. Really appreciate your perspective.

  17. What a wise friend you have–and the message came through loud and clear and oh, so eloquently as well. Now that I’m in my mid-50s I’m learning to accept other things about my body, skin, hair etc that are changing (and going to continue to change). It’s important to remind ourselves that the changes are going to happen regardless of whether we fret and stress over them—so why waste our precious energy on that stuff?! Thanks for a good read. I’m going to share with some friends.

    1. Thank you Kit. 🙂 And you’re so right that many changes are a part of aging that will happen, regardless of whether or how much we stress about them. That’s a good reminder.