Something interesting has happened since I became a dietitian nearly 15 years ago: Weight has become a very touchy subject.
Back when I got my degree, emerging research about obesity was a red-hot topic. I wrote a lot of magazine articles about weight loss, and my master’s thesis was a survey of people who had undergone gastric bypass surgery. One of my first jobs as a dietitian was working at a local rec center doing counseling and leading small groups for people interested in losing weight.
I decided that weight management wasn’t for me—and that I much preferred tackling the subject of feeding kids—but a whole lot more has changed since then.
A growing number of dietitians are pivoting their businesses away from weight management and toward helping people trust themselves around food through intuitive eating. There’s also a growing emphasis on Health At Every Size, an approach that emphasizes physical and emotional health while accepting and respecting all body shapes and sizes.
I’m thrilled that messages of body positivity are spreading in our culture. I love seeing women with different body types in catalogs, shapelier mannequins at Target, and even a greater diversity of bodies walking the runway. I want to stand up and cheer for actresses who speak out about airbrushing and the idiocy of “body after baby” pressures.
Yet, there’s a dark side too. I’m seeing dietitians shamed on social media for talking about weight loss or sharing their experience trying things like intermittent fasting. When I made a joke on Facebook one day about pining for my 20-something metabolism, someone implied that I was promoting diet culture.
I’ve been honest about having conflicted feelings about my weight (read: My Post-40 Weight Gain Frustrations) and conversations I’ve had with friends about our changing and aging bodies (read: Life’s Too Short To Worry About A Muffin Top).
But I wanted to spell out exactly how I feel about the issue of weight to make sure it’s clear. So here’s what I believe:
I believe you have the right to be happy about your body and weight and not want to change it, no matter what a scale, BMI chart, magazine, talk show, friend, family, doctor, commercial, celebrity, billboard, or society says.
I believe you have the right to want to change your weight. If you want to lose weight, that doesn’t mean you have bought into diet culture, have low self-worth, or are part of the problem. While someone may be satisfied and happy with their body at a certain weight, someone at that same weight may not feel satisfied and happy. Your body is yours, and you decide.
I believe that you should never be shamed for your weight. I also believe you shouldn’t be shamed for wanting to gain or lose weight. Your body is your business.
I believe that dietitians are trained and uniquely able to help people manage their weight safely, unlike celebrities, nutritionists (a term that often means very little), or those who position themselves as experts because something worked for them. I also believe dietitians should not be judged or shamed for helping a client lose weight if it’s what that person wants to do.
I believe that different ways of eating work for different people. Some people thrive on low-carb, some wither. Some love being vegan, others wouldn’t dream of giving up meat and dairy. If you’ve found a way of eating that makes you feel good, I’m happy for you.
I believe that you have a right to try different ways of eating, including but not limited to counting macros, intermittent fasting, keto, counting points, Mediterranean diet, cutting out dairy, going gluten-free, eating more fiber, reducing sodium, intuitive eating, or none of the above. How you eat is up to you, and you shouldn’t be criticized or ridiculed for it. If you ask my professional opinion, I will give it to you. If you don’t ask, I will stay out of your business. (It may go without saying, but if you’re engaging in disordered eating behaviors, your family, friends, dietitian, and doctor also have the right to be concerned and want to help you.)
Hi! I'm Sally, a dietitian-mom.
I believe that EVERY mom can feel successful and confident about feeding her kids, lose the stress, and finally enjoy mealtime again.
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Alison says
I love it, it’s all true! I started changing our diet because of my son. They are what the household is. I feel bad cuttoall treats but try my best to keep a balance and sign him for different sports. We even got a dog, so we go for more walks. Every little change is a good change 🙂
Sally says
Thanks Alison! I like your whole-household approach. And dogs are the best for getting us outside every day (multiple times!) and getting more activity!
Meagan says
Thank you for sharing, encouraging and having a truly healthy attitude towards weight!
Sally says
So glad you like it Meagan!
Aggie says
I love what the commenter Alison wrote above about making changes for the whole household. I’ve listened to too many conversations that have made me cringe over the years about children and weight – I’m sorry but as a parent, if you’re drinking soda with breakfast your child most likely will too and then we know the challenges that can carry over from there.
Also, I’ve had to mute a lot of health professionals on social media because of this subject. I was seeing a lot of negative conversations about what’s right and wrong with weight, diets, etc…it hurts my head sometimes.
I love your approach Sally, one size does not fit all and we need to respect ourselves & our choices regarding weight loss/lifestyle etc. At 43, I’m finally at a place where I know what works for me but also know when I need to adjust some stuff too.
Sally says
Thank you Aggie! Appreciate your thoughts on this.
Kacie Barnes says
Well said! I do get nervous when incorrect information is floating around, because I think often times people make changes to their diet based on information that is not correct. Or change their kid’s diet — like keto is not right for most kids, but I think some parents get the message that it’s a healthy way of eating so they think they’re doing the right thing for their kid. I wish bloggers who are not qualified to give nutrition advice would not give it! Well anyway I didn’t mean to go on a rant, I really just meant to tell you that this was a good post!
Sally says
Thank you Kacie. Appreciate your comment and thoughts. Agree that children should not be put on diets unless medically necessary, as restrictive eating can harm their feelings about food and set up unhealthy behaviors. And yes, incorrect information drives me nuts–and people don’t always think about considering the source of that information!
Stacey says
I agree with all of this! Becoming a parent has definitely helped me reframe my attitude about weight, fitness, and health overall. And I’ve come to appreciate that the mental and emotional aspects of all of these are every bit as important as the physical, even more so as my girls have become teenagers. I love your common-sense approach to nutrition, Sally! Keep up the good work!
Sally says
Thank you Stacey, and totally agree with you on this: “the mental and emotional aspects of all of these are every bit as important as the physical”. Your girls are very lucky to have you as a mom who understands that and cares about how they feel inside and out where food and eating are concerned. Great job!
Sarah Farr says
When my husband and I had children we realized that we weren’t as healthy as we should be. I took a look at what we were eating and realized that it wasn’t that healthy. I wanted to be here for my children – for a long time – and to raise healthy children. By making healthy(er) food choices I am a healthier, more active person. I am happy to have lost weight as well, of course. And, while I still eat too much of some foods and not enough of others, the changes we made in our lifestyle have made a huge difference in our health.
Sally says
Sarah–I’m so glad you found a way of living that makes you feel better and improves your health and wellbeing. Kids are a positive motivating force where that is concerned. We want to be our best for them. Bravo!
Leslie says
This: “Your body is yours, and you decide.” I have struggled with my weight pretty much since I had my daughter (7 years ago) and in retrospect post baby my hormones never went back to normal. My weight has gone up and down and up and up. I eat healthy and exercise regularly. My cholesterol, blood pressure and blood sugar are all great. It’s taken me a lot of soul searching to be ok with the body I have now. I’d love to lose weight but I don’t put unreasonable expectations on myself and focus on making good choices for me and my family. Love what you have said here! Thank you!
Sally says
Leslie–Sounds like you have landed in a really good place of being physically and emotionally, and I’m so glad for you. 🙂
Judi says
As a person that has struggled with my body image and weight from about 12 years old to the present, I completely agree with your post! I have had many ups and downs with my weight loss and was ecstatic when I weighed under 150 lbs. I have continued my exercise habits and work on my food choices constantly. Currently I weigh more than I would like and have to continue to focus on the foods I am eating. Being in my mid forties I am going through lots of hormonal/body changes and know that I need to be better at being happy with the strength, muscle and endurance I have built in my exercise routines. It is very challenging to mentally see myself as not being overweight no matter what, but I am trying day after day so that I can continue to be a positive example for my adult son and two teenage daughters.
Sally says
Hi Judi–The hormonal/body changes of the 40s (and beyond) are real. And as I said to one commenter on Instagram, we can try our very best to embrace those changes and feel grateful to be alive but it’s also understandable to feel frustrated by them sometimes too. Strength training is a wonderful thing to do in our 40s, glad you’ve worked that into your routine. I don’t know about you, but exercise now is about being strong for every day life, not for fitting into a certain size. 🙂
Alyssa says
It’s really interesting to read this because this has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve recently been learning more about intuitive eating and it sounds appealing, but what if your body doesn’t allow you to eat whatever you please? I haven’t dug deeply into it yet – so maybe there’s something I’m missing, but it doesn’t seem to make sense for a person like me. I had GD with my last pregnancy and the diet restrictions did make me a bit crazy. I have never been so fixated on treats as when I wasn’t allowed to have them, and since the birth I’ve gone on a little bender and overdone it and now the scale is starting to creep up again – sparking some anxiety. Doctors are still all about weight management and say if I lost 10-20 lbs I could probably stop taking Metformin altogether. Then there’s the Forks Over Knives people who say don’t worry about carbs as long as you eat plant-based, which seems super restrictive, but the doctors encourage you to cut the carbs and fill up on lots of protein like meat and cheese, which doesn’t sound the healthiest either. I don’t know who to believe anymore! Anyway, thank you for sharing that it’s possible to exist in the gray area – I needed to hear that right about now!
Sally says
Hi Alyssa–Intuitive Eating is a really freeing approach that works well for some people, so I’d definitely encourage you to learn more if it interests you. Evelyn Tribole is a pioneer in that world, and she has a book called Intuitive Eating that can help you get started if you’re interested. I completely understand the concept of “going overboard” when we restrict and deny ourselves certain things. It’s real! There are truly so many approaches to eating and everyone seems to think they’ve found the answer. I encourage you to explore what feels sustainable and appealing to you, whether that’s intuitive eating or high-protein or something else that doesn’t have a name. 🙂 The best way to eat is what feels good to you and nourishes you, mentally and physically!
Regan says
I love this post as much as I do you Sally. So glad you wrote it!
Cheryll P says
I love your voice!! To be totally honest, I first thought “uh oh, here we go,” while I waited for the article to load — but I was (as usual) so glad you are so thoughtful and open to new information! The best kind of professional is the observant one who can see outside charts, graphs, and chemistry into families, hearts, and lifestyles. Way to scream loudly for those of us with moderate opinions!
I’m lately also surprised by the loud, angry mobs aimed at crushing the patriarchy and burning down beauty standards. To a long degree, yes, I hear these sisters – they ARE and should FEEL beautiful, but also, it can be harsh and overwhelming to think about whether any given personal decision will incite the masses! What if I just really do want a salad??!! Haha, anyway, thank you for speaking up and putting your thoughts on the record – I know you will continue to grow, develop, and learn as you observe the world around us.
Harry Minot says
The part about putting fat kids on diets triggered my memory alarms. I was put on my first diet when I was 11. I cried myself to sleep many, many times.
Alisa Dusan says
As an RD, I really appreciate this blog post. It echos a lot of what I’ve been thinking through this past year. I am a huge fan of Intuitive Eating and work in the eating disorder community. I am so, so on board with much of the direction that we are moving in terms of weight stigma, body image, etc. That being said, I feel concerned with the activist bent to all of this. In a field where we make recommendations based on science, do hard lines and activism muddy our ability to do so? I have also been saddened to see other practitioners shamed for valid questions regarding how we approach weight. If we cannot have honest, open, questioning dialogue but have to tow an ideological line, are we really doing what’s best for our clients? Just some things that I have been thinking through lately.
Brigitta says
This article came at the right time for me. Thank you for sharing. As an RD, I feel conflicted with being aware of the “toxic” diet culture, intuitive eating/HAES, and research on functional foods or prioritizing nutrition for well-being/disease prevention. I’ve found with clients that it is really individual and recommendations I make for them may not work best for myself. I find the various philosophies challenging to “choose” between, such as with HAES and body acceptance, yet appreciating functional foods and nutrition benefits as well as dare I say it, improving physique.. Similarly to what you said, I feel as though I am judged or have a disordered relationship with food for being curious about nutrient research or avoiding certain foods/food groups for relief. With intuitive eating, I believe that the body’s hunger hormones, neurotransmitters, and related are sometimes beyond what we may be able to control. Maybe this method provides stress relief when choosing and eating foods, but perhaps it causes GI distress or reduced energy.. I think there are benefits to each of these movements and currently I am trying to discover how that may play out, but perhaps I don’t even need to have an answer for that now…
Diane Norwood says
Such a complicated and charged subject! I’m also an RD (and CDE) and agree with you, Brigitta, about not being in control of hormones and other biological processes relating to obesity and diabetes. Body fat tissue seems to produce hormones that drive hunger and cravings in a way that is different than in lean people and one may not be able to simply eat intuitively (and be satisfied) to counteract that. It underscores the need for individualizing advice for each person, something only an RD can do. But of course, it’s important to find one that is evidence-based, compassionate and not towing any particular line…
Neva Cochran, MS, RDN, LD says
Bravo, Sally! I agree with everything you said. Thank you for advocating for choice in diet, body size and food choices, as both a registered dietitian and an individual who has struggled with weight issues since childhood when only one or two kids in a class were overweight. I yo-yo’d up and down 20 – 25 pounds every 5 or so years since college. Finally 10 years ago I began tracking my calorie intake and exercise on a phone app and I have maintained my weight within 2 – 3 pounds, feel great and eat foods I love.
Dawn says
Thank you for this.
Alexis Egerdahl says
I am a disabled veteran, 7 years ago I could barley walk. I continued to eat like I was running 5 miles a day, and because of health issues I didn’t move much, which by the way didn’t help my issues. I knew loosing weight would help, but how to start was the issue, I was so caught up with have I was b”bad” at it, how my mistakes made me a bad person, so on so forth that I just made the problem worse. Fast forward 7 years, I got help from a wonderful nutritionist at my VA, and started with one step, and now I’m up to 7500 steps a day, and much more aware of what I eat. I look in the mirror with pride, still have a long ways to go, there will be plenty more ups and downs, but 1 step forward is still better than not moving at all. I don’t body shame, it wouldn’t do me any good, I have had to work hard emotionally to get to where I am now, but I also know that I am unhealthy, and my body feels it everyday. So I think you can have a realistic view of your body without body shaming.
Ruthie says
Beautifully and thoughtfully written. Thank you!
Jenny C. says
Here’s the thing about weight loss: no program has been proven effective for long-term, sustainable weight-loss for more than 3-5% of participants. If I am to trust you as an RD, I need to believe that you are giving me evidence-based treatment. And so far, for long-term weight loss, there is nothing to offer. I’m all for people doing what they like with their bodies, but as a professional I would hope that you would let them know what the likelihood of success is. And that the only thing consistently correlated with weight loss is weigh gain. Although I absolutely agree that working with an RD on this issue is far better than relying on a “nutritionist” or internet guru!
Carolyn says
Sally,
Preach it, sister. This was right on the money especially if you are a woman over the age of 45! Good health takes on many forms, and we all have a different path to get there. Our methods change over time. I find for myself that taking care of my health is a process that evolves daily. I am learning to love kale and quinoa, but still have Cheetos (just not all the time)!
Thanks for putting this out there.