These 3 Things Helped My Kids With Picky Eating (But These 3 Didn’t!)
Inside: There’s a lot of advice out there about picky eating. Here’s what worked for us–and what didn’t.
If you’re in the trenches right now with picky eating, you’re probably exhausted and frustrated.
I’ve been there: Feeling defeated at the end of a meal, worrying my kids weren’t getting enough nutrition to grow well, second-guessing my parenting, and blaming myself.
Over the years, I tried a lot of strategies. Some worked well, but others flopped. Hard. So here’s a candid look at the advice that worked for my kids–and that crashed and burned.
What helped my kids with picky eating
Not making backup meals
I’m a former picky eater who got a backup meal most nights of the week (I love a big bowl of buttered noodles to this day). But I decided early on to try and avoid this with my own kids in the hopes I could stave off some pickiness.
So I made just one dinner every night–with the exception of “Scrounge Nite”, a clean-out-the-fridge, choose-your-own-adventure situation.
Did this mean we ate a lot of meals our kids liked already? Sure. Spaghetti, tacos, burgers, and grilled chicken have all been fixtures.
But I also kept serving meals my husband and I liked that the kids really didn’t at first, like enchiladas or tofu bowls. And most of the time, they came around. Those meals might not have been their favorites, but they made do. And that was important to me.
Deconstructing mixed meals can also help make this strategy smoother. That way, there’s likely something–rice, a tortilla, a favorite veggie–that your child likes and will eat.
Veggies before dinner
It’s a tale as old as time: You’re scrambling to get dinner ready, but your kids want a snack. Now. You give them something to tame the hangries…but then they’re not hungry when dinner is finally ready.
I wrestled with this dilemma and finally settled on a compromise: My kids could have any veggies they wanted in the hour before dinner. Like some of the vegetable we were having with the meal or anything from the fridge.
My older son decided to hold out for dinner. My younger took the deal and ended up eating all manner of veggies, from little bowls of plain romaine lettuce leaves and big stalks of celery to raw green beans.
To this day, he likes vegetables and they’re sometimes the first thing he eats on his plate. Whether or not all those pre-dinner veggies helped, I don’t know. But they definitely didn’t hurt!
Another perk: If your kids don’t eat much (or any) of the veggies you serve with dinner, knowing they’ve already had some may help give you some peace of mind.
READ MORE: Kids Want A Snack Before Dinner? Here’s Your Simple Solution
Pressure-free exposure on repeat
There were plenty of times I wanted to yell, “BUT YOU LIKED LASAGNA LAST WEEK!” or “BUT CHEESY POTATOES ARE JUST CHEESE AND POTATOES!”
It can be maddening, I know.
But what worked best from me was being a lot more chill about food in general. Less micromanaging, more enjoying my own meal. Less food-pushing and emotional investment in every bite, more trust.
When I relaxed, my kids did too–and the dinner table became a happier place. And they eventually tried a lot of new foods too.
READ MORE: Why Pressuring Kids To Eat Doesn’t Work (And What To Do Instead)
What didn’t help my kids with picky eating
Sneaking in veggies
I tried this exactly once with squash mac-n-cheese, and it backfired on me. Big time.
My husband and kids dug into the dish, asking if something was different about it. I was coy at first but eventually confessed, figuring I’d just tricked everyone into loving squash.
But instead, the kids wanted nothing more to do with their meals. And for years, when I served something new, they’d give me the side-eye and and ask “Is there something weird in this?”
What I learned: As with most scandals, it’s not the crime, it’s the cover-up. Putting veggies into your child’s smoothie or spaghetti sauce isn’t a bad idea. But not telling them what’s in their food (especially if they ask you point-blank) is where you can lose your kids’ trust when it comes to food.
Counting on the “15-20” rule of thumb
Heard that kids will try a new food after 15-20 exposures? Me too. A lot of places.
But relying on this is an exercise in frustration. There are plenty of foods I saw a lot on my parents’ dinner table that I didn’t eat until I was an adult. And a few I still haven’t tried to this day (hi there, stuffed cabbage).
Truth is, there’s no magic number. And every kid is different. I’ve seen my kids suddenly decide to taste something new, completely out of the blue. And I’ve seen them reject other foods every single time they’re offered, way more than 15-20 times.
What I learned: The very best thing to do is to keep enjoying the foods you love and offering them to your kids in a no-big-deal sort of way. Don’t plead or bribe because you can start to seem desperate (because you might be!)–and kids can smell that a mile away.
Let them explore foods at their own pace, which might be much slower than 15-20 exposures. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Asking for “just one bite”
This was a classic case of something working well with your first kid and assuming you’d officially won parenting. Our first child agreeably took “just one bite” of new foods, and we thought we had it all figured out.
But our second one dug his heels in so much that our seemingly reasonable ask turned the dinner table into a battle of wills. It wrecked our moods and the vibe at the table, which just wasn’t worth one tiny taste of food.
So instead of “You have to take a bite”, we started saying “Why don’t you try a bite?” and it made a big difference. Sometimes the kids took a bite, sometimes they didn’t. But it never escalated and made the dinner table an unhappy place. That was important to me.
What I learned: For some kids, the “just one bite” rule encourages them to branch out, discover new flavors and new favorites, and keep their minds open. But it’s not a one-size-fits-all approach. So if it’s not going over well in your house, drop it with no regrets.
This is such good advice! I’m unfortunately on the other side of trying to discourage picky eating (my kids are now 15 and 18), but if I had known these smart tips a decade ago…
So I say to everyone with young kids – heed this! Speaking as someone who did most of the don’t’s (“Just take one bite”, etc), these tips would have worked! But c’est la vie. (And hope isn’t lost: my boys have still become more adventurous eaters as they age – but I wish I had an earlier start on it!)
Beth–I definitely did some of the “no’s” too. 🙂 But you’re right–hope is never lost. Glad they’re getting more adventurous as they get older (same with mine!). I’m sure you laid a lot of positive groundwork for them. Thanks for your comment!