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July 6, 2012

What to do if your kid won’t eat dinner

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Frustrated because your kid won’t eat dinner? Here’s a simple solution to help ease your stress–it worked for us!

Tofu bowl for kids

Got a young child who just doesn’t want dinner?

I did. When my younger son was a toddler, he went on a dinner strike that just about did me in.

Though the situation eventually improved, dinner was still not his thing for awhile. Often, he would take only a few bites. Some nights, he wouldn’t take any bites at all.

Then (you know what’s coming, right?) he’d declare he was hungry about 30 minutes later. Which would drive us bonkers.

Why dinner is hard for little kids

I hear from so many parents that their little ones really struggle at dinner (read: 5 Reasons Why Your Toddler Won’t Eat Dinner). Here are some reasons why your young kid won’t eat dinner:

  • They’re wiped out
  • If they attend preschool or daycare, they’ve spent all day keeping it together
  • They may have snacked too close to dinner so they’re truly not hungry
  • They may have had too much juice or milk which made them feel full

This was our simple solution

I wanted to be understanding about my son’s energy level, state of mind, and appetite at family dinner time. But I also wanted him to eat a nourishing meal.

The way I see it, little kids may not have enough focus or appetite for family dinnertime. But that doesn’t mean they should miss out on dinner.

So first, I made sure he knew the rules still applied:

  • You have to join the family at the dinner table
  • You eat what the family eats (here’s why that’s so important: The Dinnertime Rule That Will Change Your Life)
  • You use good manners
  • You ask to be excused
  • No snacks in the hour before dinner except veggies (read more: My Pre-Dinner Snack Strategy).

Then on the nights when he barely touched his plate, this tactic eased my frustrations: We simply saved his plate of food.

How to make it work

Explain what you’re doing. If your child doesn’t want dinner, calmly say “Looks like you’re not very hungry right now. We will save your dinner and you can have it if you get hungry.”

Offer it later. If your child comes back to the kitchen and says she’s hungry, tell her “Okay, here’s your dinner that we saved for you. Would you like me to warm it up for you?”

Do all of this in a matter-of-fact way. It’s not a punishment. You’re respecting your child’s appetite.

Want to keep your child’s plate fresh but not use plastic wrap? I use these nifty reusable bowl covers (shown in the photo above) for leftovers, as well as for rising bread dough, potluck dishes, and lots more.

What if your child doesn’t want the saved dinner?

There were nights when our son wasn’t pleased with the saved plate offering (and some nights we simply forgot and his meal got tossed…or eaten by my husband).

But other nights, after taking only a few bites at dinnertime, he ate his entire plate of reheated dinner–then asked for a second helping.

At first, it may be an unpleasant surprise to your kids, especially if they’re used to getting a favorite snack after dinner. But hang in there, and it will hopefully become routine and expected.

If the saved-plate strategy totally crashes and burns, take a page from “food sociologist” Dina Rose, author of It’s Not About the Broccoli, who advocates for having a “Backup”, which is a relatively boring but nutritious food that your child likes but doesn’t love. Rose says this could be something like:

  • A cup of cottage cheese (that’s what Rose used for her daughter)
  • A cup of milk
  • Plain yogurt (not flavored)
  • Beans
  • Tofu

Remember: This is a season of life

When you’re in the thick of frustrating phases like this, it can be hard to remember that this is merely a season of life, and it’s not permanent.

Your child refusing to eat dinner is the season of life you’re navigating through right now. Your child WILL eventually eat dinner again. At the regular time.

And then you’ll be on to another season with its own struggles–and joys!

I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Hi! I'm Sally, a dietitian-mom.

I believe that EVERY mom can feel successful and confident about feeding her kids, lose the stress, and finally enjoy mealtime again.

Sign up for my weekly emails for support and inspiration (plus dinner ideas!) and I'll send you 16 game-changing tips for feeding your kids--even the super-duper picky ones.

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Filed Under: Nutrition Advice + Ideas Tagged With: dinner, mealtime, picky eaters

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Eating as a Path to Yoga says

    July 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    I love how you are allowing your child to trust his own body’s inner widsom!

    Reply
    • Sally says

      July 7, 2012 at 10:05 pm

      Thanks Jill!

      Reply
  2. Lee says

    July 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    I’m so glad to find I’m not alone in serving my child her dinner, again, an hour after everyone else finished eating! She gets way too distracted at the table sometimes, I think.

    Reply
    • Sally says

      July 7, 2012 at 10:05 pm

      Lee, my son gets distracted as well and can’t always focus on his food. Glad to hear this strategy works for other moms too!

      Reply
  3. Jennifer Lane says

    July 8, 2012 at 9:05 am

    A very reasonable approach, Sally! My 8 year old nephew was not loving life at our dinner last night, which lasted from 7-9:30 p.m. 🙁

    Reply
  4. Paula says

    July 10, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Great rules! Thanx for the article.

    Reply
  5. Kathy Sullivan says

    July 18, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Great Article!! Love it! Thanx!

    Reply
  6. Kevin says

    July 20, 2015 at 11:39 am

    I loved this! My 4-year-old is a grazer all day but then is ravenous at dinner. I am with you in the struggle.

    Reply
  7. Jessica @ Nutritioulicious says

    July 21, 2015 at 10:11 am

    One of my girls (3 1/2) just started to only take a couple of bites at dinner- usually after saying “I don’t like it” before even tasting it. This after 3 years of her eating everything I put in front of her. At first (and sometimes still, like when I’ve made something I know is awesomely delicious!), I would get really upset and frustrated. Now I just tell her this is dinner and if she doesn’t eat it there’s nothing else until breakfast. Sometimes she takes a few more bites, sometimes not. But I;m trying to trust her internal hunger and fullness cues.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Friday's Five Favorites #37 - Muscles and Munchkins says:
    November 13, 2015 at 10:50 am

    […] parents.  I found this old post of her’s the other night after a bad night of dinner time: Coming to Terms with a Not So Perfect Dinner Time and it made me feel a whole lot […]

    Reply

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