Last year, Sam went on a dinner strike that just about did me in. The wonderful Dina Rose talked me off the ledge and gave me some strategies that really worked.
But even today, dinner is just not Sam’s thing.
The same probably goes for many other young kids: It’s the end of a long (possibly nap-free) day. They’re done with sitting still, with being told what to do, with keeping it together. In Sam’s case, his appetite is largest between about 7am-3pm—exactly when he’s expending the most energy.
So come dinnertime, I try to cut him some slack. The rules still apply: You have to join the family at the dinner table, you eat what the family eats, you use manners, and you ask to be excused. And no snacks in the hour before dinner except veggies (read more: My Pre-Dinner Snack Strategy).
Yet frequently, Sam will take only a few bites. And some nights, he doesn’t take any bites at all.
I no longer freak out about this (okay, sometimes when I’ve spent a long time preparing a really good meal, I inwardly freak out a little bit).
One tactic that eases my frustration: I save his plate of food. And if he comes back to the kitchen later saying he’s hungry, I heat it back up for him. I do this in a very matter-of-fact way, not as a punishment.
Yes, there are some nights when he is not pleased with this arrangement (and there are some nights when I simply forget and his meal gets tossed—or eaten by my husband). But most nights, he accepts it.
Like last night, when, after eating only a few bites at dinnertime, he ate his entire plate of (reheated) spaghetti with meat sauce an hour later. Then he asked for (and ate!) a second helping.
The way I see it, Sam may not have enough focus or appetite for our 6pm family dinnertime. But that doesn’t mean he should miss out on dinner.
Hi! I'm Sally, a dietitian-mom.
I believe that EVERY mom can feel successful and confident about feeding her kids, lose the stress, and finally enjoy mealtime again.
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Eating as a Path to Yoga says
I love how you are allowing your child to trust his own body’s inner widsom!
Sally says
Thanks Jill!
Lee says
I’m so glad to find I’m not alone in serving my child her dinner, again, an hour after everyone else finished eating! She gets way too distracted at the table sometimes, I think.
Sally says
Lee, my son gets distracted as well and can’t always focus on his food. Glad to hear this strategy works for other moms too!
Jennifer Lane says
A very reasonable approach, Sally! My 8 year old nephew was not loving life at our dinner last night, which lasted from 7-9:30 p.m. 🙁
Paula says
Great rules! Thanx for the article.
Kathy Sullivan says
Great Article!! Love it! Thanx!
Kevin says
I loved this! My 4-year-old is a grazer all day but then is ravenous at dinner. I am with you in the struggle.
Jessica @ Nutritioulicious says
One of my girls (3 1/2) just started to only take a couple of bites at dinner- usually after saying “I don’t like it” before even tasting it. This after 3 years of her eating everything I put in front of her. At first (and sometimes still, like when I’ve made something I know is awesomely delicious!), I would get really upset and frustrated. Now I just tell her this is dinner and if she doesn’t eat it there’s nothing else until breakfast. Sometimes she takes a few more bites, sometimes not. But I;m trying to trust her internal hunger and fullness cues.