As a kid, I was a very picky eater. Here’s how I overcame it–and what I want you to know about picky eating.
When parents tell me they’re practically breaking with frustration over their picky eaters, I can relate. When my kids were younger, I spent some miserable family dinners feeling like a failure.
But I can also relate to your picky eaters. Because I used to be one of them.
My Picky Eater Past
I was the kid with the plate of buttered noodles while the rest of the family had steak and mashed potatoes. I was the one with plain pasta while everyone else had sauce and meatballs. I was the one nervous about eating at a friend’s house because who knew what kind of terrifying food they’d serve?
I know what it’s like to be afraid of new foods and squishy textures. And I know what it’s like to drive your parents crazy over it.
So here’s what I can tell you about being a picky eater:
- The fear is real. It’s not drama. It’s not an excuse.
- It can be embarrassing. I didn’t want to be the one eating a plain hamburger bun at the picnic, and I didn’t like being singled out for it.
- It’s not your fault. Yes, some of what we do as parents can make matters worse (read: 5 Easy Mistakes That Make Picky Eating Worse). But picky eating was, to some extent, just part of who I was. My brother, raised in the same house with the same parents, ate most everything he was served.
- There is hope. While I’ve never outgrown my love for a good bowl of buttered noodles, I did largely phase out of picky eating. In my case, I finally decided I wanted to.
How I Overcame Picky Eating
By the time I reached college, I’d grown weary of my narrow repertoire of accepted foods. Having meals away from home with friends, I felt (healthy) peer pressure to eat what everyone else was eating. I also lived abroad for a month with a French family and was determined to try everything they served.
And I simply got curious: What did my mom’s cucumber salad taste like? (Amazing!) Did meals taste better when I didn’t surgically remove every bit of diced onion? (Yes!) Were mixed dishes more delicious when they were actually mixed together? (Yup.)
It took me until my 20s and even 30s to try some foods, like avocados, Brussels sprouts, beets, and lentils. It didn’t happen overnight, but little by little, I realized what I’d been missing, and a world of food opened up to me.
Truth be told, I’m still warming up to certain foods I never ate as a kid, like raw tomatoes. And I remain sensitive to mushy, squishy, and slippery textures, like cooked eggplant or even creme brûlée. But I’ve come a long way. To this day, when I visit my parents, my mom will sometimes look across the dinner table and ask, “Wait, you EAT that now?”
How I Feed My Own Kids
When I became a mom, I had even more motivation to broaden my horizons. I wanted my kids to be able to eat at a friend’s house and not be scared by the meatloaf. I wanted them to go to a potluck and have more than a roll. I wanted them to be open-minded about eating and to enjoy all kinds of foods. If there was anything I could do to help make that happen, I wanted to do it.
Here’s how my picky eater past shaped how I feed my kids:
I’m patient (most of the time). I understand my kids’ trepidation with new or less-preferred foods. Yes, I still get frustrated when my kids won’t try something I’m sure they’d love. But I know firsthand that it may take time for them to try a new food and like it—way more than the 10-15 exposures that’s often cited. It might take YEARS, and that’s okay.
I ditched the “one bite rule”. I was never required to eat anything I didn’t want or to clean my plate (my mom’s nightly reminder to “only eat as much as you want” still serves me well). Having a one bite rule would’ve terrified me as a child–and I’m guessing most dinners would’ve ended in tears for me and my mom.
Still, we tried the “one bite rule” with my older son with some success. But when it crashed and burned with our second, I scrapped it. For me, it wasn’t worth it. I wanted both of my kids to feel safe at the table, not worried or anxious. Read: Should You Make Your Kids Take Just One Bite?
I offer lots of fruits and vegetables. This is something my parents did that really helped me. We had green salads nearly every night. My dad grew a big vegetable garden, and while I wouldn’t eat everything, I did grow up enjoying just-picked carrots, lettuces, corn, and kohlrabi (and watching everyone else eat cucumbers, beans, radishes, and tomatoes). And there were always loads of seasonal fresh fruit around.
I make one meal. My sweet mother cooked me something different when I didn’t like what she made. But I decided I wasn’t going to do that for my kids. I want to be compassionate, but I don’t want my kids to rely on or expect separate food at mealtime. And frankly, it’s stressful enough getting one dinner on the table every night without prepping a second! That’s why I call making just one meal The Dinnertime Rule That Will Change Your Life.
How to Help Your Child with Picky Eating
Understand the degree of your child’s picky eating. A good place to start is to make a list of foods your child reliably eats (this post explains how). Some picky eating is a normal part of development, but children can have more extreme forms of picky eating, such as ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder).
You might also like: 5 Common Problems at the Root of Extreme Picky Eating
Diffuse dinnertime tension. The atmosphere at the dinner table can have a big effect on children, positive or negative. You can start using a few key phrases at dinner TONIGHT with your kids to reduce stress at the table. Click here to get the printable.
Take my free e-course. Get my best strategies, mindset-shifts, and recipes in my free six-week email course The Picky Eater Problem Solver.
Work with your partner. Here’s some advice if you and your spouse or partner don’t see eye to eye on your child’s eating: When Parents Don’t Agree On How To Handle Picky Eating
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Diana says
Olives- that’s my new thing to keep trying. I always disliked them, but read up on how good they were for you, and so now I am eating them.
Sally says
Olives are on my list too! Do you eat them straight-up or otherwise?
Aviva Goldfarb says
That Brussels sprouts salad looks amazing!! We also love them halved and roasted, or thinly sliced and sauteed until they are caramelized with a little olive oil and a splash of balsamic vinegar.
Sally says
Aviva, my next attempt will be roasted Brussels sprouts, because I’ve heard from others they are delicious that way as well. Thanks so much for reading!
tracyNRD says
Yes, with you both on not liking olives. Love olive oil, but not olives. Not much for Feta or Goat cheese or gravy. Totally a texture thing with each of these.
Sally says
Tracy–I have serious texture issues as well, though I love feta and goat cheeses. For me, “squishy” is my problem, so cooked veggies have to retain some crispness or I strongly dislike them. Since tomatoes is squishy both raw and cooked, it’s taking me a while to warm up to those! Thanks for your comment!
Laura says
After trying it at your house, made the Brussel Sprout salad on Thursday. And yum! I added dried cherries.
Kat (Eating The Week) says
I also am a reformed onion eater. Until just a few years ago (I’m 34), I couldn’t deal with them at all – not fresh, not cooked, not alone, not with other ingredients. It wasn’t just capricious pickiness, either; the taste made me gag.
But now they’re on my list of kitchen staples along with black pepper, garlic, olive oil, etc. My husband’s love of onions probably helped turn me around – I prepared them in dishes, and eventually stopped picking them out and learned to enjoy the taste.
Sally says
I used to pick onions out of everything too, as did my husband. In fact, we were at my mother-in-law’s house recently and she commented that she made the potatoes without onions because of him. It was nice to be able to say, “Oh, he eats onions now!”
jenna Food w/ Kid Appeal says
huzzah for brussels sprouts a delish way! have you tried olives in tapenade? kalmata olives in a nice tapenade to dip bread in or toss with pasta was my gateway to olives. still don’t eat the black ones from a can on the thanksgiving relish tray, blech. last week i minced about 8 olives and tossed them with tomato sauce. i topped a scooped out zucchini with the red sauce, added left over ground beef, then topped with cheese for zuke pizza, yum!!
Sally says
Great ideas, Jenna. I especially like the tapenade idea. I could see myself liking minced olives. I’ll have to try that.
Marta says
I always hated Brussels sprouts until a few years ago when I learned that if you make a little x in the bottom of the stem, it lets out all the bitterness. Then you can just steam them with butter and they’re delicious. Also, you can shred them in the food processor and fry them up with soy sauce and garlic.
Sally says
What a cool tip! I’ll have to try that. And stir-fried shredded sprouts sound pretty great too. Thanks Marta.
Sarah T says
My husband and I are both picky eaters, but about different things. He dislikes almost all vegetables and doesn’t care for creamy things, while I have a number of fairly random foods I won’t eat. Asparagus and anything that comes from a goat or sheep all taste horrid to me, but I’ll at least tolerate bell peppers now (my husband actually likes those). Oddly, I loved olives until I was about 10, but now I can’t stand them.
Joanna says
I was the pickiest eater. I am raising my mini-Me’s – both my kids are pretty picky. I do end up making a second meal because I want to be able to eat things I want – Indian, Asian, Italian foods. I do try to parallel cook – if we are having Indian butter chicken, the kids can have chicken nuggets. My kids are just not that interested in food but need some nutrition to help them grow & stay healthy.
In consulting with my husband’s nutritionist, she said to keep offering but know it will take some time before they want to try the more adventurous foods. They see us eating it and will eventually become more curious.
It took me a long time to love food the way I do, but there are very few things I won’t eat now and hope that my kids will learn from my example.
Thanks for posting – I always enjoy your posts here & FB. It let’s me know I’m not alone in the same daily struggles and accomplishments!
Sally says
Hi Joanna–Thanks so much for sharing your story here. Yes, continuing to offer with no pressure is the way to go. And as we both know from personal experience, attitudes about food can shift over time–and food can become more important and interesting to us as we get older. I’m so glad you enjoy my posts too, thanks for letting me know!