It was the moment I’d been dreading. Two years ago, my older son came to us one night with a half-grin and asked quietly, “Is Santa real?”
I’d been bracing myself for this. I knew it was coming. He’d hung on almost the whole way through elementary school (blessedly, his gang of friends at school were firm believers too.) But my son is a lover of science. He wants to know the intricacies of how things work. I knew that for him, that kind of fantasy and magic had an expiration date.
I also knew he was beyond the stock answers of “Of course he is!” or “What do you think?”. By the look in his eyes, I knew that he wanted us to give it to him straight. So I was ready. I didn’t want him to mourn. I didn’t want him to burst into tears.
And he didn’t cry. But I did. I was surprised by the swell of emotion, by the pain in my chest that marked one more disappearing piece of childhood. Sniffling, I started into the speech. I told him that Santa was actually inside all of us, that Santa was the true spirit of Christmas, that Santa was about giving to others and making others feel special. My husband and I told him how happy we were that now he could join us in being Santa too.
He smiled wide and gave us a big hug. And thankfully, he kept the secret safe.
The other day, it was just the two of us after school. Out of the blue, he said this to me: “I really liked the way you and dad told me about Santa. That’s how I’m going to tell my kids someday too.”
Like every other parent alive, I’m never sure if I say the right things. So it’s nice to know that every once in a while, I do.
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My dad told me the summer before I started 3rd grade. I was starting a new school and gifted program and I guess he was afraid that the smarty pants kids would ruin it for me. I was so upset! I didn’t see it coming at all. I cried for a long time. I wonder when I would have figured it out otherwise. As it turned out, no one in my new class was interested in ruining the magic for anyone else. Anyways, it’s hard to know when the right time to tell a child. I like your strategy of waiting until they are ready to receive the news.
Elise–Though I can understand your dad’s good intentions, I can also see how tough that probably was on third-grade-you. It’s so hard as a parent to know what to do sometimes!
This is the sweetest. Nice job!
Thanks Jenny!
My mom flat out told me one year when I was around ten. She said it in exasperation. Something like, “Go to bed. I’m tired but I can’t go to bed until you’re asleep and I can get all the Santa gifts out.” I just stood there stunned. Of course, I had suspected, but didn’t want the magic to be shattered just yet. It took me a long time to forgive her for that. I don’t know if she ever felt bad for letting it out in, what I thought, was a mean way. But I plan to wait until my kids ask me and I love the way you explained it to your son.
Kim–I’m so sorry you have that memory, that sounds like a very sad moment for you. (I know I definitely regret some things I’ve said to my kids in exasperation too!) Sounds like you’ll use that memory to have a different experience with your own child though.
Thank you for sharing. I know this day is coming as well, but I am hoping not for a few more years from my oldest who is 8. I love the way you shared with your son. You and your husband are doing a great job!
Thanks Marion. Happy Holidays!
Wow – I think that’s quite a beautiful explanation. Good Job!
Still struggling with a satisfactory explanation for my children as to why Santa visits the other children, but not them, since they are Jewish 🙂
Thanks Tiffany. Yes, I imagine that is a tough thing to explain!
Ah, so sweet. My 7 year old asked me a few nights ago but it’s so close to Christmas that I just said, yes, believe in the magic of Santa! So maybe next year if he asks again, thanks.
Vicky–I think you’ll know when the time is right. 🙂 Happy Holidays!
Love that. I am way beyond the Santa talk now… my son is in college. But I still remember the sadness of that revelation. Happy Holidays! I enjoy your blog.
Thank you Caroline! I think the sadness of that revelation will always stay with us as parents because it’s such a marker of our kids growing up. So glad you enjoy my blog!
Ahhhh, my son is 12 and my husband had the Santa talk with him last year when they were driving together so I missed it. I was in denial that he knew and didn’t really acknowledge it until after the holiday 🙂
My daughter is 9 and believes harder than ever. I’m embracing it because I know it’s coming. I love how you explained it to your son and I am so glad you shared! Moms need a handbook with these types of things.
I’m also thankful I have a 3 year old so many more years of Magic ahead 🙂
Aggie–It’s so nice to have a little one for all of those things: santa, hand-holding, carrying up the stairs. I miss that! 🙂