My kids ate Lucky Charms every morning for a week. Well, not quite a week. The Lucky Charms ran out by day three or four, so they switched to Honey Nut Cheerios and Frosted Mini-Wheats. My dad brings a stash of these cereals to our annual beach vacation, much to the delight of his grandkids. In fact, my seven year old refers to a beach house we rented one year as “the one with Captain Crunch”.
This doesn’t bother me.
Don’t get me wrong. I strive for a diet rich in whole foods and don’t buy Lucky Charms (here are the cereals I stock instead: My 5 Favorite Boxed Cereals). But I try not to be uptight when it comes to things like birthday parties, candy on Halloween night, and vacation food. On vacation, my kids stay up past their bedtimes, run around barefoot, eat sugary cereal, have soda when we go out to eat, and gobble up grandma’s homemade cookies after lunch and dinner. (They also eat shrimp and farm stand peaches and watermelon and slices of crisp, salted kohlrabi from grandpa’s garden.)
I recently blogged about my vacation food philosophy for Parents magazine (read the full post here). Though most readers who commented said they were similarly easygoing while on vacay, there were some who disagreed with my approach. They felt that treating sugary cereal as vacation food elevated it to reward status, and that letting kids have junk food on vacation could undermine healthy messages and habits at home.
One woman commented, “I always struggle with posts like this from Sally, because I can never understand what she thinks it accomplishes.”
I was really struck by that comment. I wasn’t bothered that somebody disagreed. It made me realize that this was a good opportunity to think more deeply about what I DO hope to accomplish when I allow my kids to have sugary cereal or soda–and what I hope to accomplish when I share those stories with you:
- I hope for kids who don’t grow up worrying that they are BAD because they think junk food tastes GOOD–and who understand why it tastes good (it’s engineered to be that way!).
- I hope for kids who understand that it’s okay to have junk food occasionally, who don’t worry that junk food will poison them, but who also understand that there’s a reason we eat oatmeal WAY more often than Lucky Charms, snack on fresh fruit WAY more often candy, and drink water and milk WAY more often than soda.
- I hope for kids who aren’t obsessive about junk food, who don’t feel they have to hide candy in their rooms or gorge on chips at friends’ houses because they’ve been denied those things.
- I hope for blog readers who don’t feel ashamed because their kid likes the taste of Fruity Pebbles or Cheetos or Kool-Aid and who don’t feel like bad parents or failures because they allow their kids to have these things on occasion.
How do YOU handle junk food in your child’s life?
For more, read:
- My Kid Likes Junk Food. And That’s Okay.
- What To Do When Your Child Feels Deprived Of Junk Food
- Junk Food’s Cool Factor. Can Mom Compete?
Photo by Jamey M. Photography, courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons.
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Love your honesty in this! I don’t have any kids, but think that all the points you made are super important! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Samantha. Junk food is all around us and I think it’s important to teach kids how to navigate it. Not letting them have it–or teaching them that’s it’s toxic or dangerous–doesn’t seem helpful in the long run, so I try to find a balance. Every parent has to do what feels right to them. This is what feels right to me. Thanks for your comment!
I agree with you. What I would take away from it was you are showing an overall healthy lifestyle that doesn’t restrict yourself (or your kids) to foods that are all around us. Like it or not, junk food is real and there is a lot of it is targeted towards kids. If you never allow your kids to eat junk food, you know they are going to be getting some place else – whether you like it or not. So allowing it on special occasions can teach them those things you mentioned above. Having MORE of the healthy than the unhealthy is what matters.
Brittany–I agree, so much junk is targeted to kids and sometimes, I feel like we’re just surrounded by the unhealthy messages! Demonstrating that balance is what I’m trying to do. Hopefully it works. 🙂 Thanks for your comment!
Agree, agree, a million times agree! I think they do learn valuable lessons about balance when eating these foods. My 7-year-old daughter said to me over the weekend that she kinda knew she didn’t want to finish her doughnut (special treat from Krispy Kreme) but she decided to anyway and then regretted it because it made her tummy feel sick. I thought this was a marvelous way to reinforce a lesson we talk about all the time — eat mostly good-for-you-foods and your body will feel great, eat fun foods occasionally and enjoy their taste. If I banned doughnuts from our house when would she have the chance to learn this and how could we discuss this important lesson?
LeAnne–Yes! The same thing happens to us occasionally and I think these are excellent lessons to learn. My son STILL talks about drinking a bottle of red Gatorade and feeling so sick. That doesn’t mean he’ll never drink Gatorade again, I’m sure he will–he’s in middle school now and will have his own money and some new independence. But having that experience does shape how he feels about Gatorade-and as you say, if I never let him have it, he wouldn’t have that knowledge. I think it takes all of us a while to understand how our bodies react to different kinds of foods and drinks. I have 40-plus years of experience but my kids just have a handful of years. Thanks so much for sharing that story!
So interesting the different perspectives on this. I personally don’t prescribe to the anything goes on vacation mentality. In large part because I believe it undermines the messaging at home that these foods are not a part of our life. So for these foods to all of a sudden be allowed when not at home doesn’t really make sense. Another aspect I am sensitive to is that I work with adults who also grew up with an anything goes on vacation mentality. Many of them struggle to eat ‘normally’ when they travel and vacation as adults. It turns out it’s hard to break this habit. 🙂
Danielle–Great point about the “anything goes” mentality with adults. As an adult, I am sensitive to sticking with most of my usual habits while on vacation (you would be proud, I actually take my Vitamix on vacation with me!). If I don’t stick to those habits, I feel gross and tired and frankly, my digestive system would be a mess! 🙂 But my kids understand that Lucky Charms are something grandpa brings to the beach once a year, but otherwise, it’s the regular cereal and other breakfast items at home. (I also didn’t mean to give the impression that vacation is an all-out junk food spree. We eat plenty of healthy foods on vacation too!) Thanks for your comment and for your perspective!
I seriously love your approach to all things REAL. Amen and keep doing what you’re doing, your ability to find balance is so refreshing!
Thanks Cammie!
Absolutely agree with what you said. Our job as parents is to offer them healthy food but in the process we should not take away their sugary sweet and innocent need for candies and all the sweet things. After all, they will not be kids forever
Joyati–thanks for your comment. I ate my fair share of junk as a child but definitely outgrew my taste for it. As an adult, I can look at candy and know it will give me a headache and make me feel tired after eating it, so that’s a natural deterrent. But I know my kids don’t have that experience, so I try to keep the portion and frequency of foods like candy to a minimum, which will hopefully teach them that candy isn’t something we eat all the time or eat a lot of.
I think you’re teaching your children that food isn’t evil. No one should feel “guilty” after eating. It’s food! We should take pleasure in what we put in our bodies. But you’re also showing them that everything needs to be in moderation. I really like your approach because it’s so much more balanced.
Joani–I agree, nobody should feel guilt or shame about eating! I do worry that kids are getting messages that certain foods are bad, toxic, poisonous, dangerous, because I see this kind of rhetoric on the internet a lot. Those are scary words for kids to hear–and I never want my kids to feel shame because they had Cheetos at a party or think soda tastes good. At the same time, I know they need to learn how to navigate junk in the world while developing and maintaining healthy habits. It’s a tricky balance! Thanks so much for your comment.
Love your comments here! I think it’s a shame that parents have to judge others but I appreciate that you took their comments as an opportunity to reflect on why you parent how you do! I work with families of young children (and have heard these discussions a lot ) & am expecting my first child. Everyone has their own opinion but I personally agree with your points! Healthy is important but I don’t want my child to be in such of a bubble that they can’t enjoy a little indulgence now and then without massive guilt….or have a child that considered junk food to be so forbidden that they sneak it or gorge on it!
Kristen–congrats on your pregnancy! You will soon discover that everyone has an opinion about just about EVERYTHING when it comes to raising kids. 😉 The important thing is to do what feels right and what works for you and your family. What I try to do on this blog is explain what I do and why it works for us. Thanks for chiming in!
I totally agree. My child asks for cheese sticks and fruit for snacks at home but when we go on vacation he gets to have ice cream on the boardwalk at night if he’s finished his dinner that we cook our sleeves before going out. His school has taught him about junk food and he has chosen fruits over cake and other treats at times and that makes me proud. We let him help us shop at the farmers market and help him feel like he does in fact have a say in what’s for dinner by choosing which veggie side out of s few for that night.
Michelle–I totally agree that kids can both love healthy food and think junk food tastes good. It’s not one or the other. Big salads are one of my favorite meals to eat, but I also dip into my sons’ trick-or-treat stash on Halloween night. Getting kids involved, like shopping at the farmers market, is a great way to instill good habits!
What a wonderful post. You articulated your reasons perfectly. And I happen to totally agree with your approach. That is how we handle junk food as well. I want my children to be balanced psychologically as well as nutritionally, which means I don’t want them to be obsessive about healthy food.
Thanks Esther. I like the idea of being balanced psychologically as well as nutritionally, as you said.
I agree wholeheartedly and love the way you captured your thoughts above. It is important to help our kids navigate choices so that they grow up and CHOOSE to live healthy….not the way we told them…the way they perceive “health. I think taking a balanced approach like you did, is a great way to teach your children that junk food exists, it is good and you should eat it infrequently….like vacation…its short, filled with 24/7 fun and doesn’t last forever 🙂
Great summer topic/
Thanks Colleen. I like how you put that!
I understand where you are coming from Sally, however, as with most things in life one size does NOT fit all. My wife and I have two boys, ages 12 and 10. Our oldest son started getting overweight at around 8 years old and by the time he was 10 he was in the “obese” category for kid’s BMI. Although I know BMI is only a calculation it was at least a measuring stick where he was at nutritionally. Being 4′ and 96 pounds is not healthy at all. As the cook in our house and primary shopper for nutrition, I had to risk scarring him emotionally (as many folks say will happen) by telling him he was overweight and had to learn to manage his health. Although we took several trips to the store and talked about the labeling we didn’t regulate carb intake as well as we should have. After 1 year of his new life style, our son has lost 6 pounds and grown a couple inches so his new BMI has actually gone into the higher end of the healthy range.
Conversely, our youngest son is skin and bones and eats very little good because it’s become a daily (x3) struggle. Therefore, he does eat much more of the bad carbs than we’d like a kid to eat. For now, nutrition is a joke because he doesn’t have to worry about it for now. But, as you see in America far too often these days, skinny kids become fat adults if they continue their ways. Our oldest son has already learned how to be disciplined which means he has the occasional treats but he also knows how to regulate his weight AND has the willpower, which I am most proud of. Our youngest son, I’m afraid, will struggle as an adult if he doesn’t change his ways by the time he is in high school.
Either way, I believe we need to all take our kids shopping with us and go over the labels; cook with us at home to learn how to prepare foods in a healthy way; be good examples of eating for our kids. Okay, I’m done rambling. thanks for the ear!!
Dewey–Absolutely, one size does not fit all. Which is why I’m coming at it from the perspective of, this is what I do and why I do it. Every family has to make their own choice based on the family values, family history, needs of the kids, etc. I also agree with you that simply being skinny doesn’t mean a child is healthy, especially if their eating habits are poor. That’s something people say about unhealthy sports snacks that has always bothered me: “But the kids are skinny, they don’t need to worry”. Yet research is showing that high intakes of sugar can have impacts on health beyond weight and that the roots of heart disease can begin in childhood. You are so right that kids need to be involved in food shopping and preparing healthy meals. They need the skills to live in a world that is often pushing unhealthy food. I heard one obesity researcher say we have to have our defenses up in the world if we want to remain healthy. I agree with that. Thanks for your comment and glad to lend an ear. 🙂
I think you’re right,and just that policy is what I and (I think) a lot of people my age grew up with. At home, we snacked on apples and saltines with cheese and breakfasted on oatmeal or Cheerios or Rice Krispies, but on our yearly vacation (a camping trip), one of the ironclad rituals was that my mom bought one pack of those single-serve cereal boxes that are mostly sugary flavors like Frosted Flakes or Lucky Charms, and one box of Honeycombs. It was an exciting, once-a-year treat, and it didn’t change our overall eating habits the rest of the year. I think when sugar cereals, etc., really become a problem is when they become your kids’ normal breakfast. We adults treat ourselves sometimes; it’s hypocritical to never let our kids do so, just because their treats are different than ours.
Anna–In the Parents magazine post, Dr. Dina Rose talks about buying her daughter that pack of single serve cereal boxes on summer vacation too. When the pack is done, it’s back to the regular cereals. After my Parents magazine post came out and I got a few comments questioning the approach, I asked my 11 year old son about it. His reaction: “Well, I guess I wouldn’t *mind* having those cereals more often but I know I’m not going to get them so I just don’t bother asking!” I took that to mean that he knows how we eat at home, he knows Lucky Charms aren’t part of our routine, but he’s also okay with it. He asked for eggs the first morning back. I think he was ready to get back to regular food too. 🙂 Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your story.
For me, it boils down to the issue of habit and foods consistently eaten. If grandpa treats the
kids to sugared cereal once or twice a year –that doesn’t contribute to malnourished kids or weight management problems. However, with kids and adults alike who find they are making exceptions and treats the norm, then problems develop. I think it’s very important, like Danielle Omar mentioned above, that we teach everyone how to eat well with chaotic schedules and routine
interruptions, because business and interruptions are the norm in our lives!
Erica–very true. And absolutely, if we made exceptions every time something came up, we’d be eating a lot of junk! It’s a tough environment to raise kids, with marketers pushing unhealthy food and drinks at every turn (billboards, gas station, check-out aisles, TV, internet, movie previews). I’m trying to strike a balance between teaching them healthy habits/teaching them the facts about junk food AND giving them some exposure to it so they don’t become obsessive or fixated on it. So this is the compromise I’ve reached. It might not work for every family–but I just wanted to take the opportunity to share why we do what we do. You are so right that habits are important, and I’m hoping that I’ve established healthy habits at home that will become the base for their own habits as they get older. But time will tell! 🙂
I have to agree with Danielle on this. When there are no healthy alternatives available, I don’t see a problem with making an exception and explaining to children why that exception is being made, but then having healthy choices available for the next meal. Our lives are so hectic that if I make exceptions for every little hiccup or change, we would be eating unhealthy foods all the time and it would be habit instead of occasional. While I understand the point that was trying to be made in the article, I really think this is just an opportunity for readers to feel good about unhealthy choices that can and should be avoided. If grandma gives my kids unhealthy food every time she’s around, my kids would be eating that way multiple times a week their entire lives. And then that would be our norm. If I’m trying to teach my children healthy eating but then making exceptions all the time, I don’t think they’re learning much. I think if anything, they’re just learning that it’s ok to eat unhealthy foods often which I’m sure is confusing for them. Obviously no one is perfect, but when we teach our kids to make healthy food choices on their own, I think that’s something we can feel really good about. And I think that teaching has to start as young children when habits are forming.
Sasha–I totally agree. There are SO many times when junk food appears in our lives (including the check-out aisles at pretty much every major store these days!) and we absolutely don’t make exceptions for all of these. I talk to the kids about how junk food is all around us and that we have to pick and choose if we want to have some. We also talk about if we make those choices (like planning to get ice cream that night) that we shouldn’t have a sweet treat earlier in the day, etc. And don’t get me wrong, our vacation certainly wasn’t a junk food spree. Though they had sugary cereal for breakfast and soda the two times we ate out during the week, my kids also had lots of other healthy foods. I know that some people have relatives or friends that give their children junk food frequently and that it can become a problem. But this is something my dad does once a year, so I don’t see it as altering their healthy habits or their attitudes about food. If you read my Parents magazine post, I talk about how the first morning back, my kids asked for eggs for breakfast. They knew we were back home and that we eat differently at home. I really appreciate your comment and your perspective–thanks for chiming in on this!
I just wanted to add that while I believe your intentions were good, I think your article did not accomplish what I think (and hope!) you were attempting. I feel that when dietary articles use the word “occasional”, different people have different definitions of that word. Occasional is just that – on occasion. Birthdays. 4th of July. Christmas. However, occasional to some of my relatives is merely defined as “every now and then” which in reality translates in their lives to once or twice a week. Which really isn’t occasional at all – that is habitual and often. And for that matter, there are even so many occasions now (my kids sometimes attend 2 or 3 parties in one weekend) that occasions themselves are often. My point is, I have seen many shares of your article by people who are definitely not mindful of what they feed their children and have been celebrating it as a wonderful excuse of “why they let their kids eat junk food”.
Hi Sascha–You’re right that “occasional” does have different meanings to everyone, and that’s okay. And I’m not about to lay down judgement that someone else’s occasional is not as good or right as my occasional. What I do on this blog is talk about what I do and what works for us. Readers of this blog, for instance, know that I aim for no more than one sweet treat a day for my kids–and no more than one (if any) sweet drink a day. But life sometimes gets in the way. As you say, sometimes there are multiple parties on one weekend or even one day. I think one reason people reacted to so strongly to this post is because certain foods and drinks are now demonized to a degree that is unrealistic—and in many cases, inaccurate. There are messages every single day on social media that there are foods you “should NEVER eat!” or “should NEVER feed to your kids!”. I even saw a list last week of “foods that are slowly killing you!”. It’s gotten ridiculous and it’s making it hard for parents. Parents feel very judged when it comes to how they feed their kids. But I also can’t control how people interpret my posts. If people see the headline of the post and share it and say “Yay! This dietitian says I can feed my kids as much junk food as I want all day long!” then they simply haven’t read the post or put any thought into it.
I would be mortified if the kids’ grandpa hauled in a lot of junk food cereal and fed it to my kids. Even if we were on vacation. You know there can be no vacation from healthy eating because healthy eating is like Christmas every day. It assures your long term health. Those nasty sugary junk foods will ruin your childrens’ long term health. You said it yourself how sugar will give them heart disease. That is such a tragedy and I could never live with myself if it happened to my children later in life. Grandpa is only just hinting he disapproves of how you feed your children. I’ve been through this and after finally setting the in-laws straight on who’s the parent and who’s the grandparent, and on who knows best when it comes to nutrition, we finally are past that awkward phase of grand-parenting. No more dangerous indulgences. I only worry my husband will turn up with heart disease or diabetes because of how he was fed as a child. All that sugary stuff…eeeww!
Brenda–I think you’re jumping to some inaccurate conclusions. My father does not disapprove of the way I feed my kids. He bring these cereals because it’s fun for them. He does not ply them with junk food all week. He also brought cucumbers and kohlrabi from his garden and prepared watermelon and peaches for everyone to munch on. And if we told him not to bring the cereal, he wouldn’t bring them. I have a very positive and open relationship with my family, and they know I care deeply about how my kids eat. Also, I have never said that sugar gives kids heart disease.
I totally agree. I’m okay with unhealthy foods from time to time, but hat I have a hard time with is portion control when letting them enjoy sweet treats. I’m ok with soda, but must it include several trips to refill? Yes, let’s go to frozen yogurt, but really, you don’t need to fill the container to the brim. Have a milkshake, but, you and your sister can split one between you. I feel like I always come across as controlling and restricting. It’s just a shame, we could enjoy sweet treats more if they came in smaller portions! The other day my son went to the movies with his friend and his friend got a giant slurpie and a box of candy. My son had his water and small baggie of candy he had picked from home. I asked him later how that made him feel and he just shrugged and said, “well, I know I can’t have that so I don’t really think about it”. How I hope that down the road he realizes it was about controlling the amount of sweets and eating them deliberately and with consideration and not about denying him simple pleasures! It would be much easier to say yes, if sweets weren’t always so huge and so pervasive.
Catherine–I so agree on the portion craziness! Refills on gigantic cups of soda, and those massive cups for fro-yo–they are HUGE! It can be hard to regulate portions when we’re faced with containers that size. And I know what you mean about feeling controlling. I try to strike a balance between allowing my kids to have these foods occasionally and yet teaching them moderation (and WHY moderation is important). I’m sure it works sometimes and other times my kids may see me as restrictive or controlling–but I guess that’s parenting! 🙂 I try to communicate the message that just because the containers are huge or the refills or free doesn’t mean that’s the smart way to go about it. I’m with you though–it can be tough!
Thanks for you blog. It hits a nail on the head in that in the modern age of wanting to be healthy we forget that when we restrict and control food (or anything) in our children they will more likely do it anyway when we are not looking – either now or in the future when they are adults themselves. However there is a point which most miss, why do we hold sweet food on such a pedestal? I personally think we unknowingly teach our children to like unhealthy foods (or ‘treats’) because we were taught this way. By changing our thoughts about food, we can change the way we interact with food – that is the biggest game changer when teaching our children about food.
Wal–you are right that sweets are definitely held on a pedestal. And you’re right that I think most of us grew up feeling that way. I sometimes serve dessert with dinner–or rather, let my kids know that they can have dessert with dinner if they want–to try and knock sweets down from its pedestal, but I know they are still seen as very special. Great point–thanks for your comment!
As a parent of two children under 3, I strive to teach them that junk food is ok once in a while-not everyday. It’s not an easy task to teach especially since my 2 year old always wants chips at the store in addition to fruit. I do like reading your articles about diet and family because it always gives me a new perspective to think about how I would like to teach my children about nutrition.
Thanks Laura!
I agree with you.We eat healthy the vast majority of the time, but I do buy junk food sometimes as well. I don’t want my kids sneaking it or seeing it as forbidden…I’d rather them understand what real food is and why it is better to eat it. I once ran into a doctor friend of mine who takes a more holistic approach in the grocery store. She’s a very strong advocate for real foods, and eating local and sustainable. I had pop tarts in my cart and she was looking at potato chips. We both laughed and she said her son was having a friend over and she wanted to have something for snacking that she knew the friend would eat, and I was just buying them as a treat for my boys that love pop tarts. She said to me that she didn’t feel like moderation was a bad thing, as long as the kids understood the difference between what is real food and what is not. That is exactly how I feel, but it was nice to hear it from someone who has a nutrition background as well.
Hi Michelle–Thanks so much for your comment. That kind of grocery store encounter often happens with me as well, though people are usually trying to hide the contents of their cart from me 🙂 then they say, “You buy tortilla chips?” or “You buy chocolate?” There are definitely things I keep in the house like tortilla chips for salsa/guac and chocolate (my husband takes a piece of dark chocolate in his lunch every day). Then there are things I don’t buy because (as my colleague Dina Rose says) “the universe provides them”, like soda. I know my kids will go places, like parties, where soda will be. So we don’t keep it in the house. It is a tough balance, but as you say, it’s important for kids to understand the kinds of foods that will serve them best and the ones that are more occasional/party foods. Thanks again for your comment!
Oh I agree so much on this !!
My son have the right to eat “junk” when he is with his grand-parents (well, they will sneak cookies behind your back anyway), or on special occasions too.
I believe that kids are being of routine. So if the routine is water and whole food, it’s ok to have extra like candy/Mc D burger. As long as it’s stay extra.
Our job is to gave them good habits and let them test the rest (with limits of course).
After reading through several of your blog posts I have found the things you have said to be so relatable. I love that you are sharing ideas of how to incorporate healthy choices into a family menu, yet are being real about the situation and realizing there are exceptions. I am excited to continue to read more!!!
Thank you so much Amy!
I dont allow my kids to eat junk/sweets because too many of my elders and myself are now struggling with making healthy choices at such a late age. The elders in my family are being forced to do this because of illnesses caused by decades of living an unhelthy lifestyle. I know better so I do better and I model this for my children. Hopefuly they will live a healthy lifestyle their entire life instead of struggling to learn how to do it when they become adults.
hi. i’m 15 years old and i can say that i love your thougts on junk food etc. and i will definitely use this method later in life when i have kids. when i was a kid my mom would deny me junk food, which led to me starting to shoplift and hide huge amounts of junk food and feeling guilt, bingeing etc. which led to me having serious eating disorders later through my tween years. i still hate my body. i just wanted to say that your approach to food is amazing. i wish i was your kid.