This is what happens when my kids get hold of the camera: Me, caught in a moment of mom fatigue, surrounded by piles. Definitely not suitable for posting on Facebook. After all, there’s a reason it earned the nickname “Fakebook”: We put our very best selves on display for the world (or at least our “friends”) to see. We keep the rest–the messy stuff, the whiny kids, the photos showing flabby arms or double chins–to ourselves.
That’s why I loved this post on The New York Times’ Motherlode blog. In “The Food Writer and Her Picky Eater“, Debbie Koenig details the agony of being a card-carrying foodie but having a child who will eat little more than noodles, yogurt, hot dogs, and sometimes chicken. She writes:
After a particularly tense meal, I’ll dwell on all the ways I’ve failed my child, how I’ve dragged out this battle of wills long past the point where I should’ve stopped fighting — years past it. Clearly, I am a terrible parent.
I love that post because of the honesty. I don’t feel like there’s enough of that when it comes to the topic of food and kids.
When I started this blog four years ago, I wanted to focus on the realities of feeding kids. And I knew that to really do that, I’d have to be totally honest too. That meant admitting to making mistakes and to having kids who didn’t eat perfectly–and yes, admitting that despite being a dietitian with a bunch of initials after my name, my own eating habits weren’t perfect either. I know not everyone in my profession likes that. I know some of them think it hurts my credibility when I fess up to having a sick love for candy corn or a son who has tasted (and thoroughly enjoyed) Cool Ranch Doritos.
I try not to focus on those people.
Because I think honesty is helpful. Wouldn’t you expect that the son of a foodie writer in New York City would be an adventurous eater? And isn’t it a relief to know that even foodie writers in New York City struggle with mealtime frustrations? It is to me. (The advice Koenig gets from Ellyn Satter is wonderfully reassuring as well, so be sure to read it.)
So while we’re at it, here’s some more honesty:
1. My house is frequently a Lego-strewn wreck.
2. My 5 year old had a bowl of cereal for dinner Sunday night.
3. I haven’t washed my hair since last Friday.
These are the realities of having kids. As much as I try my best every day, I never approach perfect. Because perfect doesn’t exist, especially where food is concerned. No matter what Pinterest or Fakebook say.
Casey says
I’m not looking for perfection but appreciate those fighting the good fight!
Sally says
But isn’t perfection the enemy of the good? Anyone reading my blog and following me on FB knows that I am always making an effort when it comes to good nutrition and my kids. Sometimes I get it right (like when I make a new veggie dish and they eat it up), sometimes it flops. That doesn’t stop me from continuing to try. The risk of not admitting to those flops is perpetuating the notion that if you don’t get it right all the time, you may as well not try–or that you’re doing something wrong. As parents we have so many forces telling us we’re not “doing it right” already.
Courtney @ Translating Nutrition says
All the more credit to you! Thank you for your public humility and honesty! It is very refreshing. I readily admit that I don’t eat perfectly, and I think it makes me as even more credible and relatable as a dietitian. This is real life, and pretending you are perfect doesn’t do any one any good. (And thanks for sharing the NYT story, I had missed it!)
Sally says
Thanks Courtney. I believe that being relatable is so important for dietitians because it gives people confidence that they can make changes too–and that they don’t have to “get it perfect” 100 percent of the time.
Caron says
Thank you for this. It’s always such a liberating reminder that perfection is not only not the goal, but not even realistic. I did just wash my hair though 🙂
Sally says
Thanks Caron. Yes, perfection should not be the goal, with eating or anything in life. You’ll only make yourself miserable. I strive to eat healthfully and feed my kids well. Sometimes things fall into place, sometimes they don’t. And I’m not going to pretend that doesn’t happen. As for my hair, I actually find that it looks better the less I wash it. Or maybe I’m just kidding myself…
Adina says
From one RDN to another…I don’t consider a love for candy corn or kids who eat cereal for dinner on occasion or kids who have tried Doritos to be bad things. I would say your eating habits are fabulous because you have a love and appreciation for nutritious foods and also enjoy ‘fun’ foods without major hangups 🙂
Sally says
Thanks Adina!
Kat @ Eating The Week says
You fly that candy-corn flag proudly, Sally, and maybe add CCA (Candy Corn Aficionado) to your credentials.
In training for a marathon, runners always map out these 18-or-so-week plans that dictate daily distances, speeds, terrains, intervals, etc., in relentlessly perfectionist detail. But the rule of thumb is that you only need to complete 80% of what’s in your plan to be adequately prepared for the race. I think the same goes for most healthy pursuits – if you do the intended thing 8 out of 10 times, you’re golden and, most importantly, probably haven’t made yourself & everyone around you miserable in the process.
Sally says
Sally Kuzemchak, MS, RD, CCA…I like that! Or maybe I need to finagle a deal with Brach’s for some kind of endorsement deal because I mention it so much. Though I have to admit, some of my mentions are prefaced with ‘I know most people think it’s disgusting but…”
I like the analogy with marathon training, especially the part about not making yourself and everyone around you miserable. Thanks for that perspective!
Danielle Omar - Food Confidence RD says
I love that your hair is not washed daily. Can you call my husband and tell him I’m not the only one? Working from home, mom-hood — both not good for personal hygiene. Oh, and I put veggie straws and gummy worms in Norah’s lunch box…call me crazy!
Sally says
Danielle–ha! I swear my hair looks better the less frequently I wash it. That’s what they invented dry shampoo. Or in my case, the cheaper alternative: baby powder. Who doesn’t want their hair to smell like a freshly-washed baby? 🙂
Becky OHara says
just love your posts. In addition to agreeing with your views on feeding kids, I too only dust when guests are coming and consider it almost a miracle if my hair gets washed more than twice a week!
Sally says
Thanks Becky! 🙂
Cheryl P says
Thanks for the honesty. I get so discouraged by the people who comment on food site posts who will jump all over you if you admit you gave your kid goldfish crackers, like you just fed them poison. I am not perfect and never will be… I just do my best every day. 🙂
Sally says
Thanks Cheryl. That makes me nuts too. And I hate the use of the word “poison” when describing someone else’s food. Sheesh!
Jess Pedersen says
I so love this post, Sally! I washed my hair today…Thursday was my last wash. I wanted to get my hair cut short recently and my hairdresser, knowing this about me and my love of a ponytail or hat, refused to cut it short. She was right. I think I have a Lego permanently embedded in the sole of my foot. And Isaac has eaten french fries more times than I care to admit over the past week. And it’s okay! Thus is life with kids. Thank you for sharing your reality as it is very similar to mine! xoxo, Jess
Sally says
Thanks so much Jess. Appreciate it and glad to have a kindred spirit (with a Lego stuck to her foot). 🙂
Amy says
This is wonderful! I try very hard to keep eating healthy in my house, but I really think that “healthy eating” includes fun “treats” too. Still, I sometimes beat myself up over the frequency with which my kids eat PB&J for lunch or something like that, and reading things like this is so refreshing.
Sally says
Thanks Amy. My kids eat a lot of PB&J around here too!
David says
It’s awesome when parents (like you!) continue to try to do what’s (mostly) right for their kids’ eating habits. I agree with Kat that an 80% effort will get your family and you where you need to go. Plus it’s good for kids to see how their parents handle the reality of life — if they see persistence, they learn persistence!
Sally says
Thanks David!
Gillian says
Thank you for this. Really.
Sally says
Gillian–you are welcome!
Jill @ Fitness, Health and Happiness says
OMG! Love this! Your honesty could so easily be me too! Oh and the mommy guilt. I have 2 teens that will pretty much not eat anything that doesn’t come out of a box. Ugh!
Sally says
Thanks Jill. I am nervous about those teens years! But I try to keep in mind that my own eating habits were fairly dismal as a teen (lots of pizza and candy with friends). But I eventually returned to eating healthy stuff. Hope the same will happen for our respective kiddos.
Sonya says
Thank you for this. I’ve been feeling really discouraged lately and this was just what I needed to hear. I think it’s too easy to fall into “perfect or nothing” and that turns into nothing. Better to keep trying our best and let perfect go live on pinterest and FB 🙂
Sally says
Sonya–thank you for your comment and I’m glad this post helped you in some way. I agree with what you said, that the pressure and drive to do things perfectly sometimes prevents us from doing it at all, or at least trying our best.
Janet @Rainbow Plate says
Sally, thank you for being your fabulous self and for giving us all an honest glimpse into your wonderful, normal “Real Mom” world! What’s interesting is that your post seems to have triggered a collective sigh of relief, and a flood of “me too!” confessions from your readers, colleagues and supporters. As you said, there’s just too much pressure out there to get everything right, and to appear to be living Pinterest-perfect lives! Let’s face it, we are all doing our best with whatever it is we have chosen to pursue: motherhood, nutrition education, saving the world, or just getting everyone fed and safely into bed at the end of another day. When it comes to food and kids, the best nutrition advice is useless to parents unless it is seasoned with a generous serving of reality. We can help people most by inspiring them to feel confident that whatever small steps they are taking are on the right track! It’s all about the journey.
P.S. I currently have two bunches of organic kale from my backyard sitting in vases beside me on the table, nicely balanced by a jar of Nutella in the cupboard 🙂
Sally says
Thanks Janet! Kale + Nutella … you may be onto something there. Perhaps the next great chocolate/peanut butter combination? 😉 Thanks for your comments. I really like what you said: “The best nutrition advice is useless to parents unless it is seasoned with a generous serving of reality”. Couldn’t agree more.
Casey says
As a pilot, I really liked this analogy that I read today from a public health nutritionist who “likens eating a healthy diet to flying a jet – it’s always going off course; what’s important is recognizing it and making regular corrections!”
Sally says
I love that Casey! And I totally agree. 🙂
Dr. Rogers says
I love the part when you say, “Because I think honesty is helpful. ” So true! Sharing struggles and challenges not only helps you but others – makes us feel normal and that, yes, we have struggles with achieving proper diet – especially with kids – but if we keep trying and don’t give up we’ll eventually have kids that make healthy decisions. Also, it’s good that our kids see us not being perfect occasionally and watching us and how we can correct ourselves and our ways. It’s all about learning!
Jill Castle, MS, RDN says
Great post, Sally! When I speak I always close with “Food for Thought,” and my top two things are:
Eating healthy food doesn’t guarantee a healthy child.
Perfect nutrition doesn’t exist. Don’t feed that myth.
I think you pretty much nailed those sentiments in this post!
Sally says
Thanks Jill. Those statements are a great way to close!
EA-The Spicy RD says
Love your honesty Sally! I think our lives are really quite similar. I came *this* close to serving cereal for dinner tonight b/c my husband was supposed to be out. Of course he ended up coming home and we had burgers and fries. I did put out some carrots, but my kids didn’t touch them-it’s hit or miss w/ veggies these days. Oh, and I haven’t washed my hair since Monday. But, in my defense, we are in a drought here in California, so I’m just doing my part to save water 🙂