Confession: I’ve really struggled with exercise since having kids. I was a faithful gym-goer in my pre-parent days, logging hours in step classes, on Stairmasters and ellipticals, and even with a trainer in my 20s. But having children just derailed me.
It was always something: Unrelenting nausea in pregnancy, a colicky baby, a needy toddler, a work deadline, a thousand things to do instead of going to yoga, the unreasonable and self-inflicted (but ever present) guilt over taking me-time.
In ten years of being a mother, I’ve found my way back to exercise many times. Sometimes it’s held for a while (read: “How I Got My (Fitness) Groove Back“). Sometimes it’s lasted until a stomach bug, family vacation, or work project thwarted my efforts again.
After an embarrassingly long hiatus, I was recently inspired to make fitness a priority after reading Younger Next Week by Elisa Zied. Elisa, also a dietitian and mom, is on top of her game–and in her 40s, she looks fantastic. She posts about her daily workouts on Facebook and Twitter to inspire others. And she makes a convincing case in her book that women can’t afford to keep putting everything (and everyone) above their own self care, especially as they get older.
Before I climbed back on the exercise wagon this time around, I decided to get real with myself. There were few truths I had to face if I wanted this to stick:
I am not a morning person. Sure, 5:30am is an ideal time to workout. When I’ve done it, I feel like a superhero afterwards. But I hate 5:30am. Since I don’t have a baby to feed or a ready-for-playtime toddler rousing me, I want to sleep at 5:30am. If I set my alarm for an early workout, I dread it. I think angry thoughts about exercise. I find excuses to bail. I finally gave myself permission to admit that it wasn’t for me and found another time (that wasn’t as convenient but that I could still manage). Then I actually started looking forward to working out.
I can’t always go it alone. I’ve had some success with workout DVDs. But eventually, I need actual people who aren’t making the same corny jokes and motivational speeches every. single. time. Having a real, live instructor also pushes me to work harder (the gal on TV won’t notice if I skip that last rep or half-ass my push-ups). I found a class three days a week with a great instructor and a friendly group of women–and they’ll notice if I stop showing up.
I need to schedule it. For real this time. I’ve heard the tip a million times–I’ve even dispensed it myself: “Schedule your workouts like you would any other appointment”. In theory, I’ve always thought that was a terrific idea. But in reality, I let practically anything (a last-minute invitation from a friend, a phone call, a work deadline ) take precedence. Now I schedule around my exercise class, even if that means (gasp!) saying no to things sometimes.
I am not hardcore. I used to think that if I couldn’t exercise at least five days a week–or if I wasn’t pushing myself to the limit and ending up a sweaty mess–why bother? But this all-or-nothing attitude kept me sidelined for too long. Frankly, I don’t want to do Crossfit or train for a triathlon. And that’s okay. My thrice-weekly workouts make me feel stronger, inside and out.
Tell me: Do you struggle with consistency when it comes to exercise? When you fall off the wagon, how do you get back on?
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CP Heller says
This is me!!! After kids came I would start and get side tracked by a stomach bug or holidays, whatever. If I couldn’t do it all the way, I was not going to do it at all. This also caused me to push workouts too hard and guess what, injuries. Awesome. Another wagon. Now I work out three times a week. Low weight. Cardio. Abs. And, I feel great. Wish I had figured this out sooner, but onward we go…
Sally says
CP–I also got injured, for me it was when I tried running a few years ago. Ended up in physical therapy and had to face facts that running probably wasn’t my thing. The class I do is total body conditioning, so it’s mostly strength training with some circuit training (including cardio) as well. Walking the kids to and from school every day during the year gets me out and about too. Thanks so much for your comment and glad you found your groove too! 🙂
Emilie says
This post comes at a very oportune time for me. I had my first child almost 6 months ago and have made time to exercise only a handful of times. Prior to becoming pregnant I was in an exercise groove with goals to boot and in the best shape of my life. Now, sometimes I dread taking the stairs at work because I am so exhausted! I am a RD also and I work full time. I know the importance of exercise, but since having my son I have major mommy guilt and struggle finding time for a work out. As he gets older I hope to incorporate more activity into the time I spend with my son, but I know that eventually I will need to sacrifice a little of our time together so that I can take the time to keep myself healthy. Not easy!
Sally says
Emillie–I was pretty exhausted that first year as well. Sometimes it’s about survival, and getting sleep was more important for me in those early months than working out. But you’re right–as he gets older, it will get easier. When it comes to mommy guilt, I always have to remind myself that I’m a better mom when I do take that me-time, especially when I exercise. I’m less grumpy and more patient. Good luck to you!
Heidi says
Try joining Jazzercise! It is a fun, group fitness environment and we dance to all the current pop and dance music you hear on the radio. We are not doing much “jazz” anymore — it’s not your mama or your grandma’s workout! Jazzercise is very current, pulling a lot of moves from kickboxing, pilates, yoga, and hip-hop dance. I tell people to shoot for 3 classes a week. The camaraderie is great, instructors are very supportive. You will get hooked and actually crave your workout. I am a 40-year old mom with 3 boys under 7 and I get the “too busy to workout” thing, but you have to be selfish and take care of yourself! Good luck…
Sally says
Heidi–I have actually considered it because I love to dance (but am not very good at it so I’d need a very low-pressure environment). You’ve inspired me to check it out again. Thanks!
Jeanette says
Yes, this was directed to me. I used to be pretty fit and worked out at a gym at least four times a week. I have four kids ages 8 and under, and I homeschool, so free time is hard to come by. I can identify with the not being able to get up early enough to do it then. It seems like every time I determine to do it, the 2-year-old knows and makes plans to get up extra-early that day. 🙂 I also have gotten extremely lazy and apathetic about it this past year. I’m a busy mom so feeling junky and not being in the best of shape is par for the course, right? I know better but need to find the inner motivation again and a place on the calendar to claim as my own.
Meanwhile maybe I’ll go outside and join the kids on the trampoline. That counts, right?
Sally says
Jeanette–I’d say with having four young children and homeschooling them, you have every right to be tired! 🙂 But I hate to hear that you feel “junky”. I agree that all those little ways we keep up with our kids–whether chasing around a toddler or jumping on a trampoline–help keep us active. I hope you can find something that gives you some me-time as well. You’ll find your way as the kids get older especially. Thanks so much for your comment!
Maryann says
Sally,
I love your honest post about exercise. I have always loved exercise and its actually what got me into nutrition so when I’m not doing it I don’t feel good. But after Big A I took 6 months off with no guilt. I worked my way up but could never get to where I used to be (and that’s okay, I think). It has gotten slowly better but one thing I try to do is find ways to be active most days. It might be a quick walk or run or the exercise class at the club close by (I do every Friday no matter what cuz its the best class ever). The key is flexibility and reminding myself how much it adds to my life as mom and writer/ dietitian. Good luck finding something that works for you!
Sally says
Maryann–tanks for your comment. I love the idea of thinking about how much it ADDS to your life, instead of dwelling over how much time it takes away from work/family/whatever.
Miranda says
Love this post! Knowing what you’ll actually do and like is so important to exercising (or anything in life). I too am not a morning exerciser. I give my kids a quiet time after lunch and do DVDs. I read Gretchen Rubin’s “Happiness Project” and liked her suggestion to do something every day. So now I work out every day , sometimes only for 15 minutes, but it is way easier to know I’m going to work out daily than trying to schedule it on different days.
By the way, Sally, I LOVE your new cookbook. I have made about 10 of the recipes and they were all hits. That is rare for me with a cookbook.
Sally says
Miranda–I read The Happiness Project too and have implemented a lot of her ideas! And I’m so happy to hear that you like the cookbook. Hooray!
Collette - Meal Mom says
I only have one child who is almost one year old and in this past year I have had months of great exercising and months of no exercising. I was talking to my husband about it and realized that I need to work out for me – not for anyone else. In the months were I was exercising it was for me, so that I could feel good and have a little escape….so now I am trying to exercise for me realizing that it makes me happy and gives me a boost that I need!
Sally says
Collette–That’s so very true. And I agree that exercise can really feel like a little “escape” sometimes. Thanks so much for your comment!
Jennifer Lane says
Sally, together we would make a dynamic duo! I do great at exercise. It’s my therapy, and I miss it if I don’t do it. I could probably add more intensity and do more strength training, but I exercise about 60 minutes 6 days a week. But that’s not as awesome as it sounds because all I do is sit in my two careers.
However, my nutrition is NOT great. I eat too much in general, and dessert in particular. Nutrition is where you seem to be a superstar!
Erica says
Sometimes I need to revisit how important exercise is for my health to re-inspire me. I just read the book Spark: The Revolutionary New Science behind Exercise and the Brain and felt a good surge of motivation. I also love Miranda’s comment about doing something daily. It’s easier to notice the absence of exercise in my life when I try to do it (or anything else) daily.
Alysa (InspiredRD) says
Yes! I have been on and off the wagon since college. I find that what keeps me on the wagon at this age is finding an activity that makes me FEEL better. Right now I do PiYo 3-5 days a week at home, and if I stop doing it my body starts hurting. I feel better when I’m doing this type of exercise (it strengthens and stretches at the same time). Plus, the workouts are pretty short, so I know if I can get myself to press “play” I can get through it!
Beth Bishop says
Your message today was so timely. Although I’ve been off the wagon for months, your message clicked things in my brain that made me feel hopeful and ready to eat healthy. As busy as you’ve been, you somehow knew this message would be helpful to many of us. Thank you!
Sally says
I’m so glad to hear that Beth!
Kelsey L says
Preach! This has always been me as well, weeks, months, 6 months… then I would fall off and just stop. After having a baby I’ve committed myself to 3-4 days a week, either an on demand workout, a workout I find on Pinterest or a run with the jogging stroller. It is not feasible for me to go to a gym, but having an accountability group (group text buddies) helps hold me accountable.
Sally says
Kelsey–I like that idea of “text buddies” as a way to stay motivated. Good luck with your workout plan and congrats on your new baby!
Emily says
This article comes at a great time for me as I am struggling every day with figuring out how to incorporate exercise into my life again! I work full time with a long commute; I always think well I should do it at night after the kids are down and I have the lunches for tomorrow made… and dinner cleaned up and..and…then it’s 9 o’clock. I sit on the couch for an hour and go to bed. Up at 5 do it again. I just really don’t know where to make it fit. I had some luck walking on my lunch break last year, but hated coming back to work a sweaty mess.
Sally says
Emily–thanks for your comment and I’m glad my post resonated with you. These challenges are very real, which is why I hate the “inspirational” fitness posts that say “no excuses!”. There ARE very real obstacles that stand in the way of working out in the way we want to. It sounds like you have a very long day and are already waking up early for work. (I sometimes exercise at night too, but I totally hear you on just being DONE at 9pm when the kids are in bed. Sitting and enjoying a show for 30 minutes before bed often feels like a well-deserved and needed break for me.) I hope you can carve out some time here and there. I think it’s good to remember that any little bit helps–even if you can only walk a couple days a week, you are doing the best you can right now and getting some movement. I don’t know if you saw this post of mine but if your kids are in sports, this might be an option for you: https://www.realmomnutrition.com/sneak-in-fitness/
Best of luck to you in finding something that works and know that you’re not alone in the struggle! 🙂