When you are as tortured by the issue of screen time as I am, you talk to a lot of moms about it. Here are the ones at the extremes:
1. The mom who is quick to tell you that heck yeah, her kids watch TV–and a lot of it. “How would I ever get anything done otherwise?” she asks you, like you are a crazy person.
2. The mom who is quick to tell you that they don’t even own a television (she may or may not say this loudly enough so that all mothers around her are sure to hear). And even if they did own a television, her child would be too busy reading The Little Prince in its original French or writing a rock opera for the Wiggles to bother with it anyway.
I am jealous of both of these moms. Because at least they’re at peace–and totally unapologetic–about their choices.
Me? I struggle with screen time. Every. Single. Day.
Inspired by a friend's TV slipcover, I had this one made so my kids would forget that we even owned a set. That didn't work of course, but it looks pretty.
On paper, our policy is fine: About 45 minutes, twice a day. It also fits with the American Academy of Pediatrics’ guideline of no more than two hours of screen time daily.
In reality, our policy makes me insane.
There is fighting between my kids about what to watch. There is whining and crying when it’s time to shut it down. There is nagging for just ten, five, two more minutes of TV time. Now that Santa finally gave in and sent a Wii down our chimney, there’s even more angst (and arguments) around the precious allotment of screen time. (So far, the only good thing about the Wii is that Sam now walks around the house singing “Crazy Train”.)
I wish my kids preferred to to draw or build puzzles or play with those expensive Geo Trax trains we bought for them that they don’t use nearly enough to justify the cost.
But yet, they adore their screen time.
It’s perfectly normal. I logged many happy hours with the Jetsons, Flintstones, Cleavers, Ricardos, and Bradys as a child. Yet I’m still dismayed. I can’t help but worry that my children’s brains (and attention spans) are shrinking just a tiny bit with every click of the remote, that the endless amount of accessible entertainment–DVDs, Netflix, Wii, Angry Birds–is sucking their imaginations dry.
Every couple of months, I go so off the deep end about screen time that I threaten to pull the plug on the whole operation. And it’s not a (totally) empty threat. In fact, I’m secretly waiting for the day when my kids push my buttons so much that I finally do it.
Assuming I could even locate the actual power cord and untangle it from all the other ones, that is.
If you have thoughts about screen time (or an effective strategy for handling it), do share!
And for more discussion on what even “counts” as screen time, check out this post from Advice From Marta.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
I battle screen time too. It is so addictive that my daughter could watch TV all day. I am not convinced that screen time is evil for the mind or bad for the eyes but I do not like when it becomes a boredom-busting routine.
I dispise arguing with her all the time so I don’t limit it. Instead, I try to have something else interesting going on to pull her away. I offer to play a game, read books, go on a walk, bake something, etc. I positively reinforce when she entertains herself with toys, books, or legos.
Great post, Sally. It got me thinking about what my parents did when I was little. During the summer (when I couldn’t get enough episodes of Scooby-Doo), I had an allotment of tickets (from a roll, like for raffles) every week, to use as I saw fit. Each counted towards a 1/2 hour of TV and I had to cash them in when I wanted to watch something. I don’t ever remember any arguing, because it was non-negotiable, once you run out, that’s it.
That’s interesting, Rachel. I must say, there have been days when one of us has been sick at home during the week, and I allow them free reign over the TV–they do eventually get tired of watching and ask to do something else. It would be an interesting experiment to try a “free reign” policy (unless that’s an oxymoron) and see how long it takes before they burn out!
Thanks Wende. A friend of mine does a similar coupon system (her daughter can earn more coupons for solo time spend reading). She says it’s working well so far. At 3.5, Sam may be too young to grasp this, but I’m definitely considering something along these lines.
They WILL find other things to do! My 7-yr-old twins watch some, although not much- my stated policy is ‘not during the week,’ with exceptions for sick days. Also, I have a deep and abiding hatred for advertising aimed at children so when they do turn on the tube it’s DVDs only. On the weekends they might watch one movie in the morning while I catch up on my sleep, then maybe an hour of Wii in the afternoon. They have learned that no amount of fussing will change my mind, although I have been known to entertain a well-crafted and calmly-stated argument! I feel sure that, left to their own devices, any child will find ways of passing the time. The only trick is to not give in to whining!
We limit all game time to one hour per day of the weekend…no video games in the week. The t.v isn’t such an issue anymore. I actually didn’t think the day would come but, by us sticking to our guns and no more meaning just that, the kids just accept it now. We leave them to decide up to a point, but when we say off, no negotiation. Most of the time they turn it off themselves before we need to ask them to.
Pre-miracle, we had the battles but held firm. The hardest time is deciding which movie to watch on family movie night….then the fight really begins!
Wende – That is AWESOME! I will so be using that as my kids get older!
I think where I struggle is really knowing what the negative effects could be!! Currently, on school days (they go 9-12, three days a week), the girls get one show to wake up to… another to relax prior to naptime (so far we are at 40 min for the day)….. and then 4:30/5 pm comes and I swear I feel like the tv is on the whole time before bed (bath 6, bed 6:30), except for the 20 min we shovel food in our mouths! (so def at the 2 hour limit here too!
My twin girls are 22 mo and trying to get dinner made for the four of us is a JOKE without the tv on… and with as much as my husband travels, I am EXHAUSTED after dinner…. it literally feels like I have run an Iron Man everyday!
I guess I compensate by being extremely strict about what they can watch…. they watch NO LIVE TV, so ensuring no commercials… and they can only watch PBS or Nick Jr, and with Nick Jr is it only like 3 different options. If it is not any of those shows we allow, it is a learning express DVD or something on DVD that is a PBS or Nick Jr Show.
It has been a battle for us and it gets worse during the winter when we can’t just through the kids outside.
Please share with me what Wii game taught Sam “Crazy Train”? *must buy that*
Kelly–Yes, forgot to add the reference there. It’s Madden Football. And hearing him singing “Crazy Train” at the top of his lungs is a highlight of my day. And it’s appropriate too, b/c, very frequently, Sam *is* actually going off the rails on the Crazy Train.
Claudia–I am SO with you on the dinner part. I would never be able to get dinner made if my 3 year old was not occupied with screen time. Long ago, a friend wisely told me to use screen time “when it was helpful to me”. I know people say “watch tv *with* your kids” but I use that precious time to get stuff DONE!
Like you, my kids don’t see commercials (except for football Sundays, when my 7 year old watches with my husband), which I think is very helpful. Sounds like you’re making good choices for the content of their screen time!
Gems–We may need to eventually ban games during the week. The Wii is brand new, and my 7 year old is in the “honeymoon phase” where he’s a bit fixated by it. It’s nice to hear that someone lived through the battles and arrived at a good place.
Alissa–that’s impressive. NO screen time during the week? Wow. I may need to try that sometime. And I agree about the advertising. My kids saw a few commercials when we were TiVo-ing “The Magic School Bus”, which was on a major network. And they asked me for every product they saw in the commercials (all aimed at kids of course). Thanks for your comment, and I applaud you!
I just thought of something else to add:
We recently discovered Sparkle Stories (www.sparklestories.com) . They are ‘audio adventures’ for folks that want less screen time. Just the simplicity of storytelling is beautiful. Or a nice CD/Book combo from the library taps into something a bit calmer than the hyper-stimulation of a TV show.
Great point, Wende. My kids really enjoy listening to “Magic Tree House” books on CD.
I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot too since I find myself using the Netflix babysitter more often now that I have a second kid, and especially in the evenings and when i’m tired or want to prep dinner. I’ve read a few things recently that indicate the TV research is flawed and researchers often didn’t control for socio economic status when they concluded any TV at all is bad. See this for more: http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/technology/2011/10/how_much_tv_should_kids_watch_why_doctors_prohibitions_on_screen.html. On the other hand, I’ve found that if we go a couple of days with no Netflix time (either because we’re too busy or I hold my ground and say no), my almost three year old stops asking for it. Or at least stops asking for it a lot. But I always end up breaking the virtuous cycle when i need to give him an incentive to do something. Reminds me of your sugar challenge though — it seems he just stops craving it after a few days of scrreentime sobriety.
P.s. was inspired to comment by seeing you last weekend and coming clean about being a “lurker”
Thanks for your comment Angie! Great to see your name here.
Very interesting about “screentime sobriety”. I can definitely see that working with my kids–it would just be the initial hurdle of the first several days or week without it. I have often considered putting the TV away for a month just to see what happens. I’m confident they would find things to do and entertain themselves, so I would still be able to prep dinner/clean/do the things that need to get done. Someday I’ll be brave enough (or mad enough!) to try. Let me know if you ever do the same!
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